Skylar Siben play Party Princess
Detail from Treats or Tricks by Tina Berrier, Acrylic, gesso, ink and pencil on Printmaking Paper, 20″ by 30″, 2023.
Party Princess
A One-Woman Show
by Skylar Siben
CHARACTERS
PARTY PRINCESS: 24-years old. Cheaply dressed to resemble Elsa, including a terrible blonde wig. Her makeup is smudged, and her face looks haggard.
The other characters are meant to be played as recorded voices, though productions may choose to use live performers or voice actors:
BIRTHDAY GIRL’S VOICE (Katie): 6-year old girl
DAD’S VOICE: deep and authoritative
MOM’S VOICE: efficient and friendly
LITTLE GIRL VOICE: about 6-years old
LITTLE BOY VOICE: about 6-years old
KIDS VOICES: Child Partygoers, all roughly 6-years old
Party Princess
(A Play in One Act)
OPENING SCENE
In the dark, sounds of kids playing in a pool can be heard.
MOM’S VOICE: (Yelling out) Okay kids, dry off! It’s time for cake!
More splashing and commotion as the children leave the pool. Voices of a group of Children and Adults begin to sing ‘Happy Birthday’.
As they do, the lights slowly come up on PARTY PRINCESS, smoking a cigarette in the corner, unseen by the partygoers.
The song reaches its end with a declaration of “Happy Birthday, dear Katie.” The partygoers cheer and silverware starts clinking.
DAD’S VOICE: (Calling loudly, to get everyone’s attention) And while you get your cake, let me introduce you to a very special guest…
PARTY PRINCESS: (Mutters) Fuck!
She scrambles to put out her cigarette and fix herself.
DAD’S VOICE: (Continues) She’s a magical Princess visiting us from under the sea…
PARTY PRINCESS: (Mouths the expression) ‘Huh?’
DAD’S VOICE : (Continues) Everybody welcome, Princess Ariel!!!
Party Princess grimaces but walks out in front of the crowd. The kids gasp as the adults murmur.
BIRTHDAY GIRL (KATIE): (Shouting out) Hey! You’re not Ariel. You’re Elsa.
PARTY PRINCESS: Actually… I’m called the Ice Queen.
BIRTHDAY GIRL (KATIE): No, you’re Elsa.
PARTY PRINCESS: Well, I like to be called the Ice Queen when I’m meeting new friends, if that’s alright.
DAD’S VOICE: Okay Elsa, Ice Queen, whatever. We ordered Ariel the mermaid for my daughter’s pool party.
MOM’S VOICE: (Cuts him off) Honey… Don’t spoil the magic.
DAD’S VOICE: Everybody eat their cake; I’m gonna talk to Little Miss Icicle for a minute.
Party Princess waves to the crowd before awkwardly shuffling into a corner to speak privately.
PARTY PRINCESS: I’m so sorry sir, there must have been a mistake.
DAD’S VOICE: Yeah. A big one. We ordered the Little Mermaid for a pool party. Not this Frozen bullshit.
PARTY PRINCESS: Yes. I understand—
DAD’S VOICE: (Interrupting) Can you just go change in your car and come back as the mermaid?
PARTY PRINCESS: That is really not how this works. I’m sorry.
A long moment of tension. The Party Princess looks uncertain, like she is wondering: Is she getting fired? Does she have to leave right now?
Finally…
DAD’S VOICE: I’m gonna have to hear the song again, aren’t I?
PARTY PRINCESS: They always ask for it.
DAD’S VOICE: Fuck. Can you at least read them a storybook or something?
PARTY PRINCESS: Yeah! Totally! I always like to bring one just in case. Parents usually love it because it gives them a moment to get away from the kids and re—
DAD’S VOICE: (Cuts her off) Drink.
PARTY PRINCESS: Well, yes. But you said that, not me.
DAD’S VOICE: Ha. That sounds great. And let me know if you could use one later.
Party Princess gives a surprised look.
DAD’S VOICE: (Continues) Oh shit, you’re not a high school kid, are you?
PARTY PRINCESS: Oh, no. Far from it.
DAD’S VOICE: Good. Though I always wonder what the hell kind of adult works one of these jobs. (No response.) We should be getting you back out there.
PARTY PRINCESS: Okay.
She starts to walk back to center stage.
DAD’S VOICE: I was wondering, why is it that we can’t call you Elsa?
PARTY PRINCESS: Copyright… You know…Disney?
DAD’S VOICE: Ohhhh. The Corporate overlord with the mouse ears. I gotcha. (Pauses) But you still use the songs?
Party Princess shrugs and steps back in front of the KIDS (center stage).
PARTY PRINCESS: Hello, everyone! I’m the Ice Queen, and I am so happy to meet you!
The kids are loud and rambunctious, riding a sugar high.
BIRTHDAY GIRL (KATIE): (Yells out) EVERYBODY SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ELSA!
The kids are instantly silent.
PARTY PRINCESS: (Looks shocked by how quickly the kids stopped talking) Hello… I know you were expecting my friend, the Sea Princess, but unfortunately, she and her husband got caught up dealing with an ocean issue… An oil spill. Really, really tragic. But luckily, they have lots of Dawn on hand to save the… ducks. (Beat.) But anyway—
LITTLE BOY VOICE: (Interrupting) Can you show us your ice powers?
PARTY PRINCESS: No. As I was saying—
BIRTHDAY GIRL (KATIE): (Interrupting) SHOW US YOUR ICE POWERS!
All the children begin chanting, ‘Show us your ice powers, show us your ice powers,’ over and over again.
Party Princess raises a finger to show she has an idea. She begins to dramatically peel off her gloves, and the children go nuts. She waves her hands in grand sweeping motions, making them more and more ridiculous as she goes on. She knows she has the kids in the palm of her hand(s). Finally, she makes a motion as if she is about to cast ice from her hands and freezes, laughter spilling out of her. Her ensuing laughter breaks up the next line.
PARTY PRINCESS: (Laughing) You really thought that I was going to do it, didn’t you? (Laughs again) You thought I was going to make it snow in this 80-degree weather? (Short laugh) I told you, I can’t. I can’t access my ice powers outside of Arrendelle.
KIDS VOICES: (Murmur with disappointment) ‘Aw, man’…’What?!’…’No way’
PARTY PRINCESS: I know. Such a weird rule. I really wish I could. If I’d had my powers, I would have turned your pool into an ice-skating rink… But I can’t. (Pauses.) Moving on, I think it’s time for me to read you a story.
She reaches for her bag and fumbles around inside it, expecting to find her storybook. Suddenly her face drops, she keeps fumbling, starts fully digging inside the bag… to no avail.
PARTY PRINCESS: (Murmuring softly) Oh no, oh no, oh no… I must have left it… Oh, goddamn it! (Brief pause) Sorry!
She looks around to see if any parents heard. They’re too busy with their drinks. She holds up both index fingers, then pulls out her phone.
PARTY PRINCESS: It’s okay. I can make this work. How about I look up pictures and tell you a story… One that I can mostly remember… How about the story of my friend The Sea Princess?
There’s no response.
PARTY PRINCESS: (Begrudgingly) The Little Mermaid.
The kids start cheering. Party Princess starts fervently googling images on her phone.
LITTLE GIRL VOICE: Hey Elsa, where’s your sister?
PARTY PRINCESS: (Still googling) Back in Arendelle, taking care of the Kingdom.
BIRTHDAY GIRL (KATIE): But why isn’t she here with you?
PARTY PRINCESS: Because your parents didn’t pay for her. Now let me focus or I swear to God…
The room has fallen silent. Party Princess recomposes herself.
PARTY PRINCESS: So, the story of the Little Mermaid. (To the audience) Wait, you guys all have bubbles, right? Let’s try to set the scene or something. When I say ‘go’, can you all blow your bubbles and take us under the sea? (Brief pause) Uh uh! Not yet! Not yet! Everybody ready? Let’s do it in 3, 2, 1… Go!!
The audience hopefully blows their bubbles. Party Princess somewhat energetically enacts being transported under the sea.
PARTY PRINCESS: Here we go! We’ve now been transported under the sea… wooooooo.
She holds up the phone with the first picture. What she says does not have to align with the pictures she is showing, it should look like she’s just going through google images of Disney’s The Little Mermaid because… she is.
PARTY PRINCESS: So… Once upon a time there was a little mermaid named Ariel who lived under the sea. She was a Princess and should have been happy with her life, and the way things were —but she yearned for something more. Does anybody know what it means to yearn?
LITTLE BOY VOICE: I do! I do! It means to go: (He lets out a huge yawn.)
PARTY PRINCESS: No, that’s ‘to yawn’. To yearn means to really, really want something you can’t have.
LITTLE BOY VOICE: Like for you to use your ice powers?
PARTY PRINCESS: Sure. Like that. (Holds up a new photo) Ariel, she had a cave full of human stuff that she kept hidden away, and she would go and sit there and sing and be sad. (Holds up a new photo) Until one day she saw a Prince passing by, and she had to save him from drowning. And she fell in love.
Ya da. Ya da. Ya da. (She starts scrolling through pics quickly) Her dad finds out and gets mad. He breaks her stuff. Then this scary octopus lady, Ursula sees that Ariel has all these daddy issues and uses that to trap her into a contract. Does anybody know what a contract is? (No reply.) No? Kids these days. A contract is when you make someone a big promise and you do it in writing and like, sign your name. So, if you don’t keep your promise, that means you can get in trouble, like a lot of trouble. Like for Ariel, if she didn’t keep her contract, she would have to go into… Mer…Slavery, basically. (Aside.) Oh god, my apologies to Halle Bailey. The implications (Shudders).
Party Princess scrolls silently for a moment on her cell phone.
PARTY PRINCESS: (Holds up a new photo) So, she signs it, and then she has three days to keep her contract to the octopus and get this guy to fall in love with her. She goes up to shore with her new legs and tries to romance this guy, but it’s hard because she cannot talk. At all. But it’s okay because she’s still a gorgeous redhead, so it almost works until octopus lady uses Ariel’s voice and makes herself a super stunning, slinky brunette so that the prince will be into her… and he is – because he’s a man.
She laughs to herself. In the midst of this spiel, her phone screen has gone black and the kids are starting to complain about it. She finally notices.
PARTY PRINCESS: What? Oh… Sorry. Sorry. Let me—
In attempting to bring her phone back, she’s brought up the lock screen of a beautiful little girl, around 6 – this girl looks a lot like her.
BIRTHDAY GIRL: Who’s that girl? On your phone?
PARTY PRINCESS: No one. You weren’t supposed to… One of my close … child friends… from Arrendelle.
The kids seem to accept this. She pulls up the next picture.
PARTY PRINCESS: Where was I? … The Prince is gonna marry human brunette bisexual awakening Ursula and Ariel cries some more. But then her animal friends help her stop the wedding and the Prince kills off the giant version of Ursula by literally stabbing her with a ship, and then there’s something about fatherly forgiveness and acceptance and Ariel gets her legs and her man. The end.
She quickly puts away her phone.
PARTY PRINCESS: What a great story, and it has such a happy ending, doesn’t it?
BIRTHDAY GIRL (KATIE): That’s not the real story!
PARTY PRINCESS: It’s not?
BIRTHDAY GIRL (KATIE): Tell the real story!
KIDS: (Chanting) TELL THE REAL STORY! TELL THE REAL STORY! TELL THE REAL STORY! TELL THE REAL STORY! TELL THE REAL STORY! TELL THE REAL/
PARTY PRINCESS: Are you sure? (Pause. The kids nod.) Okay. I’ll tell you all the real version of the Little Mermaid. Can you all please blow your bubbles for me again? Come on everybody, get them out. We’re going under the sea, once again, in 3, 2, 1… Now!
The audience hopefully blows their bubbles again. Party Princess play acts going under the sea once again, this time a bit more lazily and rushed. It seems like it’s a joke to her, until suddenly something shifts internally, and shit gets real for her. It’s like maybe she’s really been transported somewhere. This story comes out of a place that almost feels like memory.
PARTY PRINCESS: Once upon a time, there was a Little Mermaid who lived under the sea. She lived in a beautiful palace with five older mersisters, and a merfather and grandmother. They all loved each other very much and the little mermaid wasn’t concerned about anything to do with the human world really at all.
That was, until her older mersisters each got old enough to be allowed to swim to the surface and look at the world above. When they came back, they would tell stories of things, things the little mermaid had never heard of before; stars twinkling in the night sky, grand forests dotting the horizons, and rivers running through them, icebergs floating in winter, and ships, ships sailing above their underwater palace bearing humans. This is what the little mermaid saw when she was allowed to break the water’s surface, a great ship in the midst of a grand celebration, for what, she wasn’t sure, but she did manage to spot a young man with a bright smile, and eyes that shone blue like the sea where she was born. And looking at him, she felt something, something completely unfamiliar… but exciting.
This is where Disney gets things right for a while. The storm breaks out, the young man is thrown from the ship and about to be drowned when the little mermaid takes pity on him, lifts his head, guides his body to shore. And then she leaves before he can awake and see his savior. She returns home and says nothing, and no one in her family is the wiser. For her mind is already made up. She decides to visit the sea witch, trades away her voice and her tail for a pair of legs and a promise of making a marriage bond with the young man, a prince as it turns out. But what our first version of the story leaves out is exactly what it means to walk on borrowed legs. The sea witch explains it before she signs on the dotted line. That every step the little mermaid takes will feel like a sword is going through her feet.
KIDS VOICES: (Muffled groans and ‘oohs!’)
PARTY PRINCESS: (Continues) Imagine that, sharp, stabbing, slashing, painful feelings, every time you take a step. The thought of this scares the little mermaid, quite a lot actually, but she still decides to go through with it. Does anyone know why?
LITTLE GIRL VOICE: (Tentatively) Because she loves the Prince?
PARTY PRINCESS: No. The prince is just an excuse. A rationale. A final push in a long list of reasons to leave her home behind. What she’s really after is a mortal soul. (Pause.) Mermaids don’t typically have those, you see. They live two hundred years and die, becoming nothing but sea foam. You know, that white stuff you see at the beach… Dead merpeople.
KIDS VOICES: (Muffled ‘ughs’ and ‘icks’)
PARTY PRINCESS: (Continues) It’s okay, it’s okay. It’s the circle of life and all that. Totally natural. But she wanted more, she wanted what the humans have. A mortal soul. The chance to live and die and have a part of you go somewhere beyond to keep living. Traditionally, this is the part that gets a bit more Christian and preachy, so I’m gonna keep it moving.
She gets up to shore and she can walk, but she can no longer talk which leaves the Prince thinking she’s as dumb as a doorbell. But he still decides to keep her around for her… company? Because she’s nice to look at? The Prince even tells her, he thinks he could love her, if only she could speak, or magically become the beautiful woman who saved him from the sea. And she wishes she had the words to tell him she was.
Time goes on for however long it does in these stories, and the Prince is engaged to be wed to a Princess from another kingdom. The little mermaid knows this will mean she’s lost her bet with the Sea Witch. That she will die, becoming sea foam for all eternity. She dances one last time for the Prince to show her devotion, knives stabbing through the legs she will soon lose… And then, the Prince is wed. Nothing stops it from happening. No one even tries. The wedding takes place aboard his ship, and as the celebrations commence, the little mermaid sees her sisters calling to her from the water, their beautiful long hair cut to the skin. They tell her, “we’ve sold it to the sea witch, in exchange for a way to save your life.” They reach below the water—
Party Princess reaches in her bag and pulls out a real knife.
—and pull out a knife. “Take this, and kill the Prince,” they tell her. “When his blood runs down your legs, your tail will be restored, and you can come home.” In that moment the little mermaid longed for nothing more. She takes the knife from her mersisters and sneaks into the Prince’s chambers where he lies, asleep with his new bride. She stands above them—
Party Princess stands holding the knife, menacingly.
KIDS VOICES: (Some scared cries of ‘Nooo!’ Some entranced cries of ‘Oooooh!’)
PARTY PRINCESS: (Energized and animated by the kids’ cries, she continues the story in a louder voice) She stands above them—Holding the knife, preparing herself to bring it down into the Prince’s beating heart. She lifts it above her head—
Party Princess lifts the knife high. Screams break out from the children.
PARTY PRINCESS: But she can’t do it.
Party Princess holds the knife and gestures wildly.
PARTY PRINCESS: (Continues the story) She drops the knife and runs out to the edge of the ship, hurling herself into the sea, ready to die, ready to become nothing but sea foam, ready to never feel again.
For a long moment Party Princess stands silent with a tragic look on her face.
PARTY PRINCESS: (Continues the story) But, that’s not what happens. Instead, she feels herself flying, above the ship, above the sea, a fairy spirit by her side. Apparently over the course of this whole adventure, the little mermaid had proved herself selfless, indeed, and she was allowed to live as a fairy, a fairy who one day could hope to gain a soul. And that is the true end of her story. No prince, no kiss, no family reunion, or forgiveness. But she does have the hope of gaining a soul now, so there’s that.
(A brief pause.)
PARTY PRINCESS: (Continues) Oh, I almost forgot. The end.
A long, shocked silence followed by a rising crescendo of sobbing children. Footsteps run outside.
DAD’S VOICE: What the hell is going on out here? Why do you have a knife?
PARTY PRINCESS: It’s just a prop. I was telling them the story of the Little Mermaid and it was a lot for them to handle, apparently.
DAD’S VOICE: What? Okay, whatever. Find a way to fix this, now. And put that the hell away. God, we are never using this company again.
Footsteps departing. Party Princess slides her knife back into her bag.
PARTY PRINCESS: Alright kids, it looks like we need some time to recover from the version of the story that you asked for, mind you. (Short Pause. The kids quiet some.) Okay, so what parts were scary or sad or whatever?
Well first, there was the way she became a human. She loses her voice, right? But we’re still okay there because it’s in the movie… But maybe we shouldn’t be. Think about it. Your voice. Your voice is the main way to communicate with the world about your wants and needs. That’s why babies are so confusing. They just scream and cry and you have to try to figure out what it is they need right in this moment. Are they hungry? No. Did they poop themselves? No. Do they need a nap? Yeah, but there’s a fat chance in he—ck you can get them down for one. Without language, babies have nothing but their little vocal cords to cry out into the world that they need something. And fortunately, they have some little chemical in them to make adults want to feed, bathe and nurture them as opposed to wanting to throw them out a window from all the screaming.
Now, The Little Mermaid didn’t even have what a baby does. She couldn’t scream or cry out. If she’d tried her vocal cords would have scratched in her throat. Rubbed without making a sound. Or maybe they didn’t exist in there at all anymore. You know, when I was your age, I watched the Disney movie and asked my mom, ‘what is that glowing thing Ursula takes out of Ariel’s throat… and you know, puts in the shell?’ It’s really probably just meant to be a magical representation of her voice being lost, but that is not what my mom said. My mom went scientific. She said, ‘That’s Ariel’s Voice Box.’ (Pause.) Does anybody know what a voice box is?
(Pause. No reply.)
I didn’t either. My mother pointed to a spot on my throat. Here.
She puts a finger on her voice box.
You all find yours. You’ll feel a small bump. It kind of vibrates when you speak or hum. Yes. There. (Short pause.) She said, ‘This is your voice box, and you have to protect it, because it is the home of the vocal cords that allow you to speak and sing and do everything else you can do with your voice. You don’t ever want to lose that.’
My mom probably never thought about that conversation again. But I did. For months afterward I walked around my house, singing Ariel’s song. You know the one? (She sings a little snippet of it quickly) holding the little spot on my throat. And at night, I’d crawl into bed and dream that the Sea Witch was in my room, reaching out for me, reaching down my throat and ripping out my voice box. I watched as she held it in her hands, a bloody tangle of vocal cords and bone… There’s probably not bone, but I didn’t know science yet. And in my dreams, I would try to scream and there was nothing, nothing but pain and a rush of air traveling through my throat. I couldn’t make a sound. I imagine that’s what the Little Mermaid felt too. And I imagine it was awful…
KIDS VOICES: (Negative reactions, sympathetic gagging and cries of ‘No!’)
PARTY PRINCESS: (Continues) Oh, but the significance! I almost forgot. Well, she’s fifteen. That should really explain it all. She’s right at that all important moment between childhood and becoming a woman. That’s why she’s allowed to go to the surface, because she’s finally old enough. In the original story, she’s not some rebellious spirit. She waits her time and listens to the stories of her older sisters, longing for the day she too can set her sights on the human world. And when she does, it sets off a fire in her, something that never occurred for her sisters before. Or if it had, they had never been brave enough to do anything about it. But she is. And maybe that’s because of the Prince. Because she saves him. Lifts his drowning body from the sea and takes him to shore. She touches him. Feels him as flesh and blood in her hands and realizes the human world is real, tangible, right there before her eyes. And though she’d never been unhappy with her life under the sea, seeing that there was a whole undiscovered sturdy and dry world within her reach, she suddenly wanted nothing more than to be a part of it.
But what does she have to do? She has to give up her voice. Accept silence. Give up any sense of agency in her own life. Because that’s what it is to become a woman in the human world. Especially back then. Even now, the things you give up when childhood ends… God! You all don’t even know. Your childhood… what you’re experiencing now, is beautiful, and precious! Like an underwater palace where you can watch ships full of grown ups sail above. And it may look like they’re having fun up there—but trust me when I say to watch them for as long as you can and stay away from the surface. It will seem so tempting, but once you are a part of their world, you’ll find it harder and harder to protect your voice box from getting torn out and your voice from being silenced.
And that’s not even mentioning the fact that this little mermaid feels like her feet are getting stabbed by literal knives whenever she takes a step. AGH! It was probably meant as a metaphor for Christian sacrifice when it written, but it reminds me more of what it feels like to wear heels and have to go… anywhere. You’ll get it someday, BIRTHDAY GIRL. (Pauses) Any questions so far?
BIRTHDAY GIRL (KATIE): (Trembling voice) Elsa…? If it hurt Ariel so bad and was so scary… why did she do it? Why did she grow up?
PARTY PRINCESS: That’s a good question. So, you understand that it wasn’t just for the prince? He was definitely a part of the decision-making process, but not the entire cause.
(Pause.) You understand that? Wow! I got a group of six-year-olds to understand something most adults still struggle with. Go me!
Well, to answer your question, I think it’s a couple of things. The first thing is the importance in the original story of the mortal soul. This is what elevates the little mermaid’s motivations from being just about some guy. You could look at this choice and see it as pretty clear symbolism for Christian sacrifice and salvation, but it also makes sense on another level.
The other part of why she goes through this all, and the part that I think Disney gives more weight to, is something a bit more intangible on the surface. Oh shoot, you guys are six. Are you even getting anything from this? (Pauses.) Okay. Why does anyone grow up? Or try to leave their home and find something new? I feel like, as a kid, you start to get lots of questions about the grown ups living their lives around you. And sometimes they’ll answer. Half-truths and simplified explanations—that mean everything at the time because you don’t know anything different. But the ones they won’t answer—or the answers that don’t fully make sense—those burn in the back of your mind for years, until you decide to seek out the answers on your own. And that’s where girls like the little mermaid run into trouble.
In her journey to find out more about the human world, she makes mistakes, choices that cannot be undone. And she has to live with the consequences. She loses her family, her tail, her access to the place she called home. She loses her voice and with it, any ability to fight for a good life in this new place. A place and a person she had given everything else up for. And her story really is one of realizing this mistake that she’s made, but choosing to not go back. Because once you enter adulthood there is no way to force yourself back into that state of blissful ignorance, no way to return to how simple things were before. When you grow up, you are going to know things you wish you could just forget to be even half as happy as you are right now, and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry that you’ll have to live as grown up people in this terrible world us grown ups have left you. Even if you don’t know it now, because all you’ve ever seen are stories from Disney with their happy endings.
Did you know some people, some grown ups think Disney is evil? A giant corporate overlord with mouse ears, sucking us into the vortex of capitalism from an early age. You don’t know what that means yet, but if you’ve ever bought a toy, gone to the theme park, thrown a princess-themed birthday party?—It’s too late. They’ve already got you. But they’ve got almost everybody at this point… Maybe that is kind of evil. Huh. Maybe the cultural critics and internet communists are right. But I’d say if Disney creates anything awful in this world, it’s because for years and years they’ve shown children, and especially little girls, that the all-encompassing, adult vision of love and whatever struggle comes with it, that’s something they should want. Something they should expect, hope for, dream about—sing an “I want song” begging for, and when a glimpse of it is on the horizon, that it’s something they should run to. And when they do, it almost immediately forces them to grow up. And they realize that the world they are actually growing up in, it isn’t a Disney fairytale. It’s the Grimm Brothers, Hans Christian Anderson, dark as all hell, where the only use for fairytale ideals is to teach kids lessons in morality, so terrible things don’t happen to them. Kids don’t even hear those versions of the fairy tales nowadays. Right? Had any of you ever heard that story of the little mermaid before today? (Pauses.) I didn’t think so. You were just going to be thrown out there completely unprepared. And yes, I know Disney is trying to rebrand the modern princesses to not care so much about love and marriage, but it’s honestly too late. The damage has already been done and the old princesses, their movies, their songs… they’re simply too iconic to ever erase the impact. (Brief pause) And don’t even get me started on the remakes.
Kids like you will grow up with their Disney and their parties and their dreams, only to be forced into adulthood way too early, to find that grown up people are not inherently good. Maybe children aren’t either, but it feels like they have more of a chance. People in the real adult world are not Disney characters. Not the good kind, anyway. They will hurt you for your idealism, disappoint you when you hold them to standards of perfection or even just inherent goodness. It’s a slow death of a thousand cuts, like every step forward your foot is stabbed by the sea witch’s knife. And your voice may rail against the world at first, but after years and years of screaming, it will start to fade until it has left you completely. And you’ll settle for it. Because that’s what grown ups do. They live in towns they don’t like, they work in jobs they don’t care about, they take care of their families out of a sense of obligation. And the only true love they can ever hope to feel is to hold their child in their arms and hope that their life can be better. And then they plop the kid down to show them a Disney movie, and ruin their chances right from the start. And it’s not their fault, the grown ups, or even Disney’s. It is a happy feeling to dream about for ninety minutes. A beautiful world to believe in. And I hope that the world never gives you a reason to stop believing in it. Ever. I truly do.
She pauses. Maybe wipes away a tear. A phone starts ringing from inside her bag.
PARTY PRINCESS: (Quietly to herself) Shit. (She pulls out the phone) Sorry, I have to get this.
She walks to a corner and picks up the phone with great urgency.
PARTY PRINCESS: Hey baby, what’s wrong? Are you okay? … Your father’s there? Outside?… He knows he’s not supposed to… Yeah. Just ask him to wait outside. And lock the door. I’ll be right there. I’ll leave right now… No.. Please don’t be scared, baby. That’s your father and he loves you very much, we just need to talk…. Okay, baby. I’ll be home as soon as I can. I love you… Text me if there’s anything… Okay, bye.
She hangs up the phone. Deeply shaken. Footsteps approach.
DAD’S VOICE: Hey, you need to finish your performance for the kids—
PARTY PRINCESS: (Interrupts) I’m sorry, I just had a family emergency pop up and—
BIRTHDAY GIRL (KATIE): (Interrupts) LET IT GO. LET IT GO. LET IT GO.
ALL THE KIDS: LET IT GO! LET IT GO! LET IT GO!
The childrens’ chant keeps repeating and grows ever more intense.
DAD’S VOICE: You’ve already showed up in the wrong costume and brandished a fucking knife. At least sing the kids a song, so I can feel the least bit justified in paying you at all.
PARTY PRINCESS: Okay. But then I have to go.
DAD’S VOICE: Then let’s hear it. Get out there.
Party Princess walks back out in front of the children and their chanting stops. She moves to a speaker on a table and tries connecting her phone to it. She messes around with the buttons for several seconds as the children grow restless.
PARTY PRINCESS: Hey! This… this speaker doesn’t seem to be working. Maybe you could—
BIRTHDAY GIRL (KATIE): (Interrupts) Just sing something.
Party Princess fumbles with the speaker one last time before she gives up and puts it and her phone down. The kids are chattering loudly. Party Princess tries unsuccessfully to grab their attention. She has an idea. She starts making the ice gestures with her hands.
PARTY PRINCESS: Everybody… FREEZE. (The kids quiet) Thank you. Guess I still have a little ice magic, after all. Now, if everyone can please take out your bubbles and transport us under the sea one last time. Here. We. Gooooooooo.
The audience hopefully starts to blow bubbles again. Party Princess transports underwater and looks up to the surface, bracing herself for whatever is about to speak/sing through her.
She starts to sing a cappella. As the song goes on, the lights change and background music comes in. The song should be pop punk, reminiscent of early 2000s Avril Lavigne.
PARTY PRINCESS: (Singing)
LITTLE GIRL UNDER THE SEA,
DON’T LOOK, DON’T PEEK AT WHAT’S ABOVE
IT’S A WORLD UNFAMILIAR
BUT YOU HAVE TO STAY JUST WHERE YOU ARE
YOU’RE BETTER OFF UNDER THE SEA,
IN YOUR CHILDHOOD BEDROOM
SINGING AND SINGING A SONG ABOUT DREAMS
DREAMS YOU WISH WOULD COME TRUE
BUT THE SECOND THAT THEY DO
YOU’RE LOST AND ALONE
FISH OUT OF WATER
LOOKED AT LIKE A WOMAN
BUT YOU’RE STILL NOT FULLY GROWN
BUT YOU’RE GROWN ENOUGH
TO OWN EVERY CONSEQUENCE
IN THIS WORLD DEVOID OF LOVE
DON’T GO, DON’T GO ABOVE
STAY UNDER THE SEA
AND PROTECT YOUR VOICE BOX
SEA WITCHES AND PRINCES
WILL TRY TO CONVINCE YOU TO GIVE IT UP
BUT YOU SHOULDN’T GO
DON’T GO!!
The music rages on. Party Princess lets out a terrifying scream as if her vocal cords have been torn from her throat. The song ends abruptly. Lights out.
(CURTAIN)
Skylar Siben is a writer and director working in theatre, film, and television. In 2024, Party Princess had its premiere at the Hollywood Fringe Festival, where it received the StageCrafts Spotlight Series Encore Award. Much Ado About Rushing, her adaptation of Shakespeare’s classic comedy set in Greek life, was a quarterfinalist in the ScreenCraft Screenwriting Fellowship 2024. Originally from San Diego, Skylar graduated from the University of Michigan in 2021 with a degree in Theatre Performance: Directing. Since moving to Los Angeles, she has had the opportunity to work on shows such as Gaslit (UCP/STARZ), Tulsa King (Paramount+), True Lies (20th Century Television) and Monarch (Fox Entertainment).
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