Pamela Weiler Grayson Play Burning Down the House

Not Just a Bowl of Cherries by Gloria E. Moses, Oil on Panel, 10″ x 8″.

Burning Down the House

by Pamela Weiler Grayson

Editor’s Note: “Burning Down the House” has a public reading scheduled for May 26, 2026 in New York City. All are welcome, free of charge.

A full-length play 

CAST OF CHARACTERS 

LISA: a 51 year-old woman, any ethnicity 
GREG: a 54 year-old man, LISA’s husband, any ethnicity 
EMMA: a 24 year-old woman, LISA and GREG’S daughter, any ethnicity 
JAKE: a 20 year-old man, LISA and GREG’S son, any ethnicity 
JEFF: a 52 year-old man, any ethnicity 

SETTING: A house in the suburbs of an American city. 

TIME: Time shifts between 2019 and the past. 

NOTE: The family can be any mix of ethnicities. 

SCENE 1 

A ranch-style house. We can see a bedroom, a darkened hallway and Great Room/open kitchen. Lights up on LISA and GREG’s bedroom. They are in bed, watching t.v. LISA is in a t-shirt and pajama shorts and GREG is wearing a t shirt. It is 12 years ago. 

LISA: Do you think he knew about her double life? 

GREG: Of course! 

LISA: But the husband died, so we don’t know what he knew. 

GREG: You can’t be married to someone for that long and not know. 

LISA: You’re so sure? 

GREG: I’ve been cross-examining witnesses for almost twenty years. I’m a pretty good judge of character.

(LISA becomes flirty and snuggles closer to him.) 

LISA: Then I guess you know I’m working for the CIA. The journalism thing was a cover. 

GREG: Aren’t spies supposed to have sexier lingerie? 

LISA:(Playfully, with a foreign accent) I only wear GAP briefs in this country.

GREG: So let’s pretend we’re in another country. 

(They start becoming intimate under the covers. Things get hot and heavy. The lights dim to almost blackout. In the dark, they quickly change into different tops—a rattier t-shirt for LISA, and pajamas for GREG.) 

LISA: Oh…mmm…ohhhh…. 

(LISA’s sounds of pleasure morph into a sound of pain.) 

LISA: Ow! 

(Suddenly, the lights switch and come up to full. It’s present day. LISA jerks up in bed. GREG is sleeping and his leg has just moved to kick LISA. His leg is still moving restlessly.)

LISA: Jesus! That kick really hurt. I know you can’t help the leg thing. It’s just… 

(GREG sleepily starts to wake up and is clearly disoriented.)

GREG: Mom? 

LISA: No, it’s Lisa. 

GREG: Who? 

LISA: Lisa, your wife.(LISA begins to touch GREG gently.) It’s alright. 

GREG: Don’t touch me! 

LISA: Honey, it’s just me. Lisa. 

GREG: Lisa. 

LISA: I didn’t mean to wake you. I’m still not used to your legs moving around so much like that at night. 

(Long, suffocating silence.)

GREG: I need the bathroom. 

LISA: I have to go, too. Let’s walk over together. (GREG tries to get up, as LISA helps him. She smells feces.) Oh God, not again…Don’t worry. You’ll feel better when you change into something clean. 

(GREG is unsteady on his feet and shuffles a bit. He lets LISA help him to the door off a side of the room, which leads to an unseen interior bathroom. They both go inside, offstage. We can hear their voices from behind the door.)

LISA: Hold on here so we can get the pajama bottoms off… It didn’t go through. That’s why I got the special underwear. 

GREG: Phoebe? 

LISA: Your sister’s not here. She never comes anymore. Let’s clean you up, and you’ll be fine.(We hear flushing and sounds of water running.) Just stand there for a second. Hold onto the towel rack…Greg, I need you to hold the bar so you don’t fall. I have to pee. 

(We hear a toilet flush and sink water running. LISA leads GREG out  of the bathroom.)

LISA: Should we go to the kitchen? You hungry? 

(Silence.) 

(LISA and GREG walk through the hallway and into the Great Room.) 

LISA: Just sit, I’ll get some food. 

(GREG sits in a kitchen chair. LISA begins to prepare breakfast.)

GREG: Stop banging! 

LISA: Sorry, I’m just getting breakfast ready. 

GREG: Mom? 

LISA: No, it’s Lisa. 

(Beat.)

GREG: Lisa doesn’t make breakfast. 

LISA: She does now! Lisa does everything now. Fucking everything. 

GREG: Fucking? 

LISA: That’s the word you heard?! 

(Quietly, to herself) Should have said everything except fucking! 

(Beat.) 

You didn’t hear that, did you? 

(Silence.)

Greg? 

(Silence.)

I was just kidding.

(Silence.) 

I love you. 

(LISA brings over GREG’s oatmeal and some water. Then she brings over coffee for herself and sits down. GREG has some difficulty with his spoon and spills some oatmeal. LISA tucks a napkin in his pajama top. GREG tugs it off. LISA tries again.) 

LISA: I know you don’t like the napkin, but it’s better than getting your top filled with oatmeal, isn’t it? Come on, try to have some more. 

(He doesn’t eat.)

Now you’re just being stubborn.

GREG: I’m not hungry.

LISA: Fine…I left my phone in the bedroom. I’ll be right back. 

(LISA rushes back into the bedroom to get her phone. GREG walks slowly to a window and peers out. He looks entranced. LISA re-enters.) 

GREG: I saw that blue bird again. In the tree. 

LISA: We’ve had a bunch of bluejays this season. 

(GREG keeps staring out the window.) 

GREG: So beautiful. Come look. 

(LISA joins GREG at the window.) 

LISA: Yeah, it is. 

GREG: It’s going to fly away. 

LISA: It might stay awhile. 

GREG: There it goes! Look! Over there! 

LISA: I see it. It might come back. 

GREG: No, it won’t. 

LISA: It might, Honey. 

GREG: I like watching the birds fly. 

(GREG shuffles back towards the table, as LISA helps steady him.) 

GREG: I don’t need help walking! 

LISA: You really do. 

GREG: Stop leading the witness! 

LISA: Ha ha. Wait, did you mean that as a joke? 

GREG: You were always bossy. 

LISA: I wish you could remember the good things about me. 

GREG: Nice legs. 

LISA: Okay, I guess I’ll take that for now. 

(They sit at the table.) 

GREG: I’m not sitting next to that mean, fat boy! The one who picks on me in the lunchroom at school. He makes fun of my sandwich. I don’t like him. 

LISA: Greg, there’s no mean boy here. It’s all okay. 

GREG: He’s a little shitkicker. 

(LISA checks her phone and reads some emails.)

LISA: I got another email about my college reunion… 

(Silence.)

The kids should be here soon. Nothing like a little company here in our love shack. 

(She starts to sing “Love Shack” by the B52’s.) 

LOVE SHACK, BABY LOVE SHACK! LOVE SHACK! BABY, LOVE SHACK! 

GREG: (Singing) BANG, BANG, BANG ON THE DOOR! 

LISA: (Singing)LOVE SHACK, IS A LITTLE OL’ PLACE WHERE WE CAN GET TOGETHER! 

GREG: (Singing)LOVE SHACK, BA-AY-BEEE! 

(Beat.) 

GREG: I’ll sign the papers. 

LISA: What papers? 

GREG: To donate my brain. For research. 

LISA: That’s great. I’m so glad I don’t have to make that decision without you.

GREG: It’ll be on the shelf with the other “Abby Normals.” 

(LISA laughs. Greg starts to sing “Putting on the Ritz.”)

IF YOU’RE BLUE AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE TO GO TO WHY DON’T YOU GO WHERE FASHION SITS? 

GREG AND LISA: (In the style of the monster from “Young Frankenstein”)

PUTTING ON THE RITZ! 

GREG: You know that song, too? 

(Front door opens. EMMA enters.) 

EMMA: Hi, I know I’m early. But I have to go into the office today. 

LISA: On a Sunday? 

EMMA: Mom, I’m a first year associate. You know I work crazy hours. 

LISA:I didn’t even have time to get dressed! Or get Dad dressed. 

EMMA: How is he? 

LISA: Pretty much the same. In and out. 

EMMA: Dad, how are you doing? 

(Silence.) 

Dad? 

GREG: Emma. 

EMMA: Yes, I’m here. 

GREG: You never come. 

EMMA: Dad, that’s not true! I know I don’t come that often, but I’m here now. 

LISA: He recognized you! That’s great! 

EMMA: Dad always recognizes me. 

LISA: Emma, there’s no “always” when someone has Alzheimer’s. 

GREG: I need to get ready. Emma’s coming. 

EMMA: Dad, I’m here.

(GREG gets disoriented again. EMMA reaches out to him.) 

GREG: Don’t touch me! 

EMMA: I’m sorry, I was just… 

(GREG looks at EMMA.) 

GREG: Lisa? 

(Beat.)

EMMA:(Devastated) No, Dad. I’m Emma. 

(Silence.) 

Your daughter. 

(Silence. GREG seems confused.)

Oh my God, shit! 

LISA: I’m sorry. I know it hurts. 

EMMA: Dad, please, come on! You know it’s me! 

GREG: You look like…someone. 

EMMA: Dad, it’s Emma! 

LISA: Shouting isn’t going to help. 

GREG: (Singing softly) WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE 

A YELLOW SUBMARINE. 

A YELLOW SUBMARINE.

(EMMA joins in with her father.) 

EMMA AND GREG: WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE 

A YELLOW SUBMARINE 

A YELLOW SUBMARINE! 

EMMA: (Singing) SKY OF BLUE! 

GREG: (Singing) SKY OF BLUE. 

EMMA: (Singing) SEA OF GREEN! 

GREG: (Singing) SEA OF GREEN. 

EMMA: (Singing alone. GREG has stopped singing)IN OUR YELLOW SUBMARINE! 

(Silence. GREG is withdrawn.) 

LISA: You okay? 

EMMA: No. 

LISA: Music is still a great way to reach him. His memory for songs is so much stronger. I have to hold onto those moments. It’s sometimes all I have. 

EMMA: Mom, I feel bad I can’t stay too much longer, but – 

LISA: You just got here! I thought you were going to wait for Jake. 

EMMA: Jake’s coming? 

GREG: Jake? 

LISA: Yes, Honey, Jake’s coming. 

EMMA: So does he recognize Jake? 

LISA: Most of the time. But Jake usually comes home like every 3-4 weeks, so—

EMMA: I don’t have the kind of job where I can just drop everything and come home. 

LISA: I know. I just think Dad does better when you’re here. 

EMMA: I can’t deal with this right now! 

(EMMA storms offstage.) 

LISA: (Calling offstage)Well it’s not exactly a picnic for me! 

GREG: You’re all too loud! 

LISA: Sorry…You have to take your pills now. 

GREG: Don’t have time. Have to get to the office. 

LISA: Greg, you don’t go to the office anymore. 

GREG: That Marty Davis has no idea what he’s doing in a deposition. 

(JAKE enters front door, with a bag.) 

LISA: Hi, Sweetie. 

JAKE: Hi, I brought bagels. 

LISA: That was nice, thanks! I didn’t even have a chance to get dressed yet. Want some coffee? 

JAKE: Yeah, thanks…How are you, Dad? 

(GREG smiles.) 

JAKE: Dad, I got an A on my Chinese History final paper. 

LISA: That’s great! You said you worked really hard on it. 

JAKE: Yeah, it’s one of the core history requirements, but I wanted to tell Dad something that might make him happy. Maybe even a little proud. 

LISA: He’s always been proud of you. 

JAKE: Come on, you know that’s not true. 

GREG: You still in school? 

JAKE: Yes, Dad. I’m a junior in college. 

LISA: (To GREG) Okay, Honey, let’s take your pills. 

(LISA tries to help GREG take the glass, but GREG becomes agitated.) 

GREG: Stop trying to drug me! 

(GREG lashes his arm out at the glass and the water spills on LISA and the floor.)

JAKE: I’ll get some paper towels. At least it was only water this time. 

(JAKE gets some paper towels and helps clean up.) 

LISA: (To GREG) We’ll try again later. 

(EMMA enters.) 

EMMA: What’s going on? 

(She sees JAKE.)

Hi. 

JAKE: Hey, I didn’t know you were here. Is it some holiday I don’t know about? 

EMMA: Seriously? That’s how you say “Hi” to me? Really nice. 

JAKE: Okay, fine, but – 

EMMA: You know I have to work basically 24/7. 

JAKE: I’m in school, but somehow I find the time to come help Mom deal with Dad. 

LISA: Actually, neither one of you is here that much—

EMMA: Dad was the only one who understood what my career means to me, and now he doesn’t even know who I am. So there’s nobody on my side anymore! 

LISA: How can you say that? 

JAKE: Why does everything have to be about you? Mom’s the one who’s really suffering! 

LISA: I’m fine! 

GREG: Stop screaming! 

JAKE: Mom, we didn’t mean to— 

LISA: I’ve been dealing with this for four years, and I can handle it. Things are just getting a little harder now, that’s all. Dad had another bathroom accident this morning. And…it was pretty messy. 

EMMA: Sorry, Mom. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for you to clean up Dad’s poop – ugh! 

GREG: That hamster won’t stop pooping! 

EMMA: Wait, what? 

GREG: Who knew hamsters crapped so much? I’m not cleaning it up. 

JAKE: (Laughing) Oh my God— 

LISA: It’s okay. It feels like we’re making fun of him, but it’s… 

EMMA: Better than crying. 

LISA: Exactly. 

EMMA: Dad, are you talking about Nugget? My hamster? 

JAKE: Remember when you dressed your hamster up for Halloween? 

EMMA: She was “Hamster Montana” – for Hannah Montana! 

JAKE: You were obsessed with Miley Cyrus! 

EMMA: (Overlapping with JAKE, above) I put her in that pink sparkly dress from my Barbie doll… 

JAKE: …And we put on Hannah’s songs, and she was spinning in her wheel like crazy fast! 

LISA: I don’t remember that. 

EMMA: You weren’t there, Mom. Jake and I did it my room. 

(Singing the “Hannah Montana” theme song, imitating a hamster spinning in a wheel) 

YOU GET THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS 
CHILL IT OUT, TAKE IT SLOW 

EMMA AND JAKE: THEN YOU ROCK OUT THE SHOW. YOU GET THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS! 

JAKE: She was probably on a sugar high from the candy corn I gave her. 

EMMA: You fed Nugget candy corn?! 

JAKE: I was like 8. It was funny. 

EMMA: You could have killed her! 

JAKE: It wasn’t a whole bag. 

LISA: Probably a few pieces didn’t hurt her. 

EMMA: Dad, remember Nugget? She got lost and you found her in your new shoes. You were so pissed. Remember? 

(Silence. GREG becomes withdrawn again.)

Dad, you just talked about my hamster. The one who pooped all the time! 

(Silence.) 

LISA: At least what he said kind of made sense, in a weird way. 

EMMA: Dad, you gotta keep fighting to be heard! We’re tough, right? We don’t give up! Please… 

LISA: Emma, I know you want to be strong, but—

EMMA: I’m not ready to throw in the towel on Dad. 

LISA: It’s not about that. It’s really draining to keep expecting more from him. It wears you down. 

JAKE: Mom, you should get some help. You’re exhausted. And now with Dad having more bathroom issues— 

LISA: I told you I’m fine. 

EMMA: I thought Sofia was helping out. 

LISA: She is, when she can. But I don’t want someone else in the house all the time. 

JAKE: It doesn’t have to be all the time. 

LISA: I’m not ready for an aide. How can I humiliate Dad by having a stranger take him to the bathroom? 

EMMA: That’s what aides are paid to do. 

JAKE: Maybe Dad can’t be humiliated at this point. 

LISA: But maybe there’s a part of him that still would feel ashamed. I can’t subject him to that. 

EMMA: So you’re just going to keep doing it? 

JAKE: You think he would have done all that for you? 

LISA: Yes! I mean, I think he would have tried as hard as I am. 

JAKE: Not so sure. 

(LISA and EMMA speak at the same time) 

LISA: Why would you say that? 

EMMA: What’s your problem? 

JAKE: Forget it. I just think doing this much caretaking for Dad is sucking the life out of you. 

LISA: I’m okay. 

EMMA: You’re definitely not okay. 

LISA: I’ll think about it…But even if I had help, I wouldn’t feel right going to my reunion. I don’t know why I even considered it. 

EMMA: When is it? 

LISA: In two weeks. Most of the events are on Saturday, but—

JAKE: You should go. 

EMMA: That’s why you need an aide. 

LISA: I can’t. 

JAKE: Your friends are going, aren’t they? 

LISA: Some. But they have normal lives. 

JAKE: You deserve a break, Mom! 

LISA: I would probably just be miserable there, thinking about Dad all the time. It would be great to see my friends and go back. But I just can’t. I’m not leaving Dad. 

(Beat.) 

JAKE: I’ll stay with him. 

EMMA: You’re going to stay with him? 

JAKE: I’ll be done with my exams by then. I was going to hang out on campus a little longer, but I’ll come home that weekend. So Mom can have one really great night out and just forget about all of this. 

LISA: Sweetie, that’s such a nice offer, but— 

JAKE: Please, I really want you to go. 

EMMA: I’d volunteer, but I don’t know if I’d be able to get out of work— 

JAKE: You don’t have to. I said I would do it. 

LISA: I don’t know. I would love to go, but—  

EMMA: So then go!

LISA: I look horrible. Everyone’ll think I’m part of the 40th reunion instead of the 30th. 

JAKE: Even on your worst day you probably look better than most of your classmates. Except maybe Diane. She’s still super hot. 

EMMA: That’s just so inappropriate. 

LISA: Maybe it’ll be good for me. 

EMMA: Of course it would! I really have to go now. 

LISA: I know. 

EMMA: (To JAKE) That was nice of you. 

JAKE: It’s fine. 

EMMA: School going okay? 

JAKE: Yeah, it’s good. 

EMMA: Dad, can you say goodbye to me? I’ll try to come again soon…Love you. 

GREG: Don’t forget your cleats. 

(Beat.) 

EMMA: Okay, Dad, I won’t. 

(EMMA exits.) 

(GREG closes his eyes and slumps a bit.)

JAKE: Is he going to sleep? 

LISA: He’s been dozing off a lot more lately…I’m thinking maybe I’ll have half a bagel now. You want one?

JAKE: Sure, thanks…I’m going to drive back to school in the morning, if that’s okay. I have a lot of work to do. 

LISA: Of course. Are you excited about the summer job? 

JAKE: Yeah. I’m lucky I got the paid internship. 

LISA: You’re very talented. They’re lucky to have you! 

JAKE: Lexi found a place in the City for the summer, with some friends, so that’s good. 

LISA: She could have stayed here. In Emma’s room. 

JAKE: Mom, no. Not with Dad— 

LISA: You’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking…Dad always liked her. 

JAKE: She’s always liked him a lot, too. I think that makes it even harder now for her to visit. 

LISA: I don’t blame her. Nobody wants to come over here anymore. 

JAKE: Mom, it’s not that she doesn’t want to come—  

LISA: I get it. I’m just glad you and Lexi are still going strong. Not many college couples stay together all the way through. 

JAKE: Yeah, I feel more and more convinced that she’s, you know, the one. 

LISA: You’re both very young, but as long as you’re happy, Jakey.. 

JAKE: Yeah…Let me know what I need to do while you’re at reunion. 

LISA: I’ll show you where everything is. It’s really nice of you to do this for Dad. 

JAKE: I’m not doing it for Dad. I’m doing it for you. 

LISA: I don’t even know if I can enjoy it. 

JAKE: You have to go. This could be your last chance to really get away for a while. Promise you’ll try to have a good time. 

LISA: I’ll try. 

(Lights fade, as we hear the song “Burning Down the House” by Talking Heads)

SCENE 2 

The song “Burning Down the House” is still playing at the top of this scene. The music is booming from a darkened side of the stage, to represent a dance party. Lights up on a room set with a table of snacks, drinks, and name-tags. A banner behind the table says “Welcome Class of 1989!” It’s two weeks later. 

(JEFF is standing near the table, checking his phone.) 

LISA: (Offstage, near the darkened area) I just need to take a break…I’m fine! 

(LISA enters the hall. She is slightly tipsy. She seems transformed from the prior scene.)

(JEFF notices her. )

JEFF: (Loudly over the music) Lisa? 

LISA: (Loudly) Hi… 

(She squints a little to look at JEFF’s name tag.) 

Jeff! Oh my God, Jeff! I’m so sorry, I just – 

JEFF: Don’t worry. I’ve had to look at name tags tonight too. We’re at that age. Nobody remembers names. 

(The music starts to fade into 80’s background music.) 

LISA: And I can’t even read the name tags now because I need my reading glasses. But I really didn’t recognize you at all. You look great! 

JEFF: Thanks. You look great, too! 

LISA: No, really, you look…totally different! 

JEFF: I didn’t make it to the 25th, but at the 20th I was still carrying around “Daddy” weight. 

LISA: You must be running marathons or something. 

JEFF: Triathlons, actually. 

LISA: Impressive. 

JEFF: It’s fun. When I first started, I was just trying to burn off the anger from my divorce. 

LISA: Oh, sorry. 

JEFF: We’re fine now. Co-parenting and all that. 

LISA: I’m sure there are a lot of divorces in the class by now. 

JEFF: I guess. Seems like mostly couples here though. 

LISA: I’m pretty sure a bunch of the women are second wives. Unless they had a lot of work done. Or they walked over here from the 15th reunion. 

JEFF: You here alone? 

LISA: Yeah. My husband couldn’t make it. 

JEFF: A lot of spouses find these things pretty boring. 

LISA: But Greg’s come to all of them with me. Even though I spend most of the time chatting with my friends. 

JEFF: Didn’t Irina’s company just have their I.P.O.? 

LISA: Yep. She’s got four kids, too. And not one of them is fucked up. If she weren’t a close friend, I’d hate her! 

JEFF: Most of my good friends didn’t come this year, but it’s still fun. 

LISA: Nothing like an 80’s theme to get in a party mood. 

JEFF: The “Big Hair Photo Booth” was pretty funny. I chose the Bon Jovi. 

LISA: Me, too! They were out of the Tina Turner. 

JEFF: Simply the best! 

LISA: Are those jello shots? 

JEFF: Yeah. Want one? 

LISA: I’ve already had a few “Like a Virgin Daiquiris,” and they definitely weren’t virgins. 

JEFF: We can’t let these go to waste. 

LISA: “Purple Rain” and “Glasnost Green.” Tough choice. 

JEFF: Should we try one of each? 

LISA: Sure. 

JEFF: Here’s to the ‘80’s! 

LISA: To big hair! 

(They drink.)

How old are your kids? 

JEFF: I have two boys. 17 and 15. How about you? 

LISA: My daughter’s 24. She’s a lawyer, works all the time. My son is 20, almost 21. Just finished junior year of college. 

JEFF: Grown kids! 

LISA: We started kind of young, so yeah. 

JEFF: Must be nice to have an empty nest. 

LISA: Kind of. 

JEFF: You still writing for Vanity Fair? 

LISA: Sometimes. 

JEFF: You were always a great writer. And editor. Maybe I didn’t appreciate it at the time, when you put all those red lines through my articles at the paper. 

LISA: I was pretty ruthless back then. 

JEFF: In a good way. I had to quit the paper after junior year. Pre med and double majoring kind of consumed me. 

LISA: What kind of doctor are you again? 

JEFF: Heart surgeon. 

LISA: You might get a few more patients tonight if people keep inhaling those fried mozzarella sticks. 

JEFF: It’s amazing how many of our classmates now get excited when they find out I’m a doctor. At the 20th they only wanted to talk to the investment bankers or the tech entrepreneurs. Now it’s like every other conversation is about statins.

LISA: That and prostates. 

JEFF: True. 

LISA: You live in the City? 

JEFF: Yep. Never moved out. You guys still live in the ‘burbs? 

LISA: Yeah, at one point we were thinking of moving back to the City, but it didn’t happen. 

JEFF: There’s still time. Does your husband commute? 

LISA: No, he’s retired. 

JEFF: Wow, good for him. 

LISA: It wasn’t voluntary. 

JEFF: Oh. It’s a tough economy these days— 

LISA: No, it’s not that. He…has Early Onset Alzheimer’s. He’s in pretty bad shape now.

JEFF: Oh my God, I’m so sorry. 

LISA: I wasn’t even going to come to reunion. This is the first time I’ve gotten away in…I don’t even know how long. 

(Madonna’s “Holiday” starts to blare from the darkened party area.) 

I love this song! 

JEFF: You wannna dance? 

LISA: Sure! 

(They make their way to the darkened part of the stage and the music increases.) 

(Lisa’s phone buzzes. She checks it. It’s a text from Jake.)

I have to check my phone, sorry! 

JEFF: No problem. Catch you later! 

(LISA moves into the lit room, and JEFF exits. LISA reads a text from Jake and calls him.)

(JAKE: appears in a spotlight downstage.) 

LISA: (Into the phone) Hi, you doing okay? 

JAKE: Sorry to bother you. I really wanted you to enjoy reunion. 

LISA: I am! 

JAKE: I wasn’t sure what to do. Dad won’t take his pills. 

LISA: It’s fine if he doesn’t take them for one day. Was he talking to you? 

JAKE: A little bit. Mostly he’s been sleeping. 

LISA: I really appreciate this, Sweetie. Is Dad okay otherwise? 

JAKE: Yeah…He did have a little fall, but—  

LISA: He fell? 

JAKE: He just tripped on the carpet, but I helped him get up, and he didn’t seem to be in any pain. 

LISA: Oh, God, I’m sorry you had to deal with that. He’s getting more and more unsteady. 

JAKE: Forget it, I wasn’t even going to mention it. He’s okay. 

LISA: Has he asked for me? 

JAKE: No. Not yet. 

LISA: Does he even realize I’m not there? 

JAKE: Mom, I don’t know. Just enjoy your night out. 

LISA: Thanks. Love you. 

JAKE: Love you, too. 

(They both end the call. LISA takes another jello shot and tries to calm down. JEFF re-enters.) 

JEFF: Everything okay? 

LISA: Yeah, I think I might go back to the hotel. 

JEFF: I was going to head out, too. Where you staying? 

LISA: At The Barclay. 

JEFF: Me, too! Do you want to walk back with me? 

LISA: Sure. But I can’t walk that fast in these heels. Not like the old days. 

JEFF: I’ll make sure you don’t topple over. 

(The lights cross fade to reveal a room at the The Barclay Inn, and a dimly lit hallway. LISA and JEFF are standing in the hallway.)

LISA: (Laughing) It always kills me that the biggest potheads in our class turned out to be insanely successful!

JEFF: Yeah, but Matt actually capitalized on his weed habits with “Matt’s Munchies.” 

LISA: I heard he wanted to donate some Chocolate Chip Cannabis Cookies and Bong-Baked Blondies for the reunion swag bag. 

(A voice offstage yells, “Hey, keep it down! Some of us are trying to sleep!”)

LISA: (lowers her voice.) Now we’re in trouble! I guess we shouldn’t be talking in the hallway. 

JEFF: Let’s hope they don’t recognize our voices at breakfast. 

LISA: They’ll probably be too excited about the Apple-Butter Muffins to care. 

JEFF: They do have the best muffins. 

(Beat.) 

LISA: If you want to keep talking, we can chat in my room. Unless, maybe that was weird, sorry, I just— 

JEFF: No, that would be great. 

LISA: I love how this place still uses old-fashioned keys. 

(LISA opens the door and they walk in.) 

They haven’t redecorated these rooms since George Washington slept here. 

JEFF: Hopefully they upgraded the plumbing since then. 

LISA: Yeah, the chamber pot on the mantel is just for show. 

(Beat.) 

Did you see how nice the dorms in North Quad are now? 

JEFF: No. Did they renovate them? 

LISA: Finally! The dorms have central AC, too! 

JEFF: Kinda decadent. 

LISA: Yeah. Remember we all had to stick fans out our windows? 

JEFF: My freshman roommate, Chris Dennison, brought an air conditioner, so we actually put that in the window. 

LISA: I didn’t know him. 

JEFF: We don’t stay in touch. 

LISA: I didn’t stay friends with my freshman roommate, either. Patty Rider. 

JEFF: The name sounds familiar. 

LISA: Big crew jock. Went to bed at 9 every night and made me turn my desk lamp off. I was always bumping into the furniture because I couldn’t see anything. She got up at 5AM every day to row. 

JEFF: That’s dedication. 

LISA: Yeah, but then sophomore year she quit the team and shaved her head. 

JEFF: Oh, now I remember her! 

LISA: Yeah. And it wasn’t a good-looking Sinead O’Connor thing. She looked more like a Conehead. 

(They both laugh.) 

(Beat.)

What do you think of that new sculpture on the green? 

JEFF: Which sculpture? 

LISA: It’s huge, made of twisted metal. 

(LISA takes out her phone and sits on the bed to look for the photo.) 

I took a photo of it…Here, look at this. 

(JEFF sits on bed next to her to look. LISA shows him the photo. He leans in.)

JEFF: Wow! It’s…hideous! 

LISA: Oh my God, yes! All these other people were like, “Ooh, it’s so fabulous! It should be at MOMA.” And I was like, “No, it’s just a monstrous piece of scrap metal.” 

(JEFF leans in more.)

JEFF: Maybe it has some kind of profound meaning? 

LISA: It’s called “Untitled, Number IV.” 

JEFF: She made more of these? 

LISA: Apparently. 

(Beat.) 

I’m really glad we ran into each other. 

JEFF: Me, too…I always liked you, Lisa. 

LISA: You mean liked or “liked?” 

JEFF: Both ways. 

(They are very close on the bed, and the sexual tension is palpable.)

(JEFF puts his hand on LISA’s thigh.)

I don’t know if you— 

LISA: I do. 

(They kiss. LISA pulls back.)

LISA: This is the first time I’ve— 

JEFF: Do you want to stop? 

LISA: No.

(They start undressing each other.) 

JEFF: You’re beautiful. 

(Things get hot and heavy. LISA and JEFF are in bed. The lights switch. It is the post-coital moment. Then the lights come up brighter, and we see GREG in bed with them, on the other side of LISA. GREG is only visible to LISA and the audience.)

GREG: I love you. 

LISA: What?! 

JEFF: I said that was hot! 

LISA: Oh, yeah. It was. 

GREG: I’ll always love you. 

LISA: (To GREG) Why are you here?! 

JEFF: What are you talking about? Are you upset? 

LISA: No, no, I just thought… 

GREG: I’m not dead yet, Lisa. 

LISA: Oh,my God,shit! 

JEFF: Are you okay? 

(Beat.) 

LISA: I’m not sure. 

(Lights fade.) 

SCENE 3 

(Two weeks later. GREG is sitting at the kitchen table, in his pajamas. LISA is in her robe, cheerily making breakfast.)

LISA: It’s a beautiful day, Honey! The rain’s all gone. That was quite a storm last night…Maybe this afternoon we can go for a walk. Now that you have your walker, it’ll be easier.

(Silence.)

I know you don’t like it, but I don’t want you to fall. 

GREG: I fell because you pushed me! 

LISA: What? 

GREG: You pushed me and told Daddy I can’t ride. You broke the light on my new bike! 

(Beat.)

LISA: Remember when we rode those mopeds in Bermuda? 

GREG: (Singing) BERMUDA, BAHAMA, COME ON PRETTY MAMA. 

LISA: (Singing and dancing) KEY LARGO, MONTEGO, BABY WHY DON’T WE GO DOWN TO KOKOMO? WE’LL GET THERE FAST AND THEN WE’LL TAKE IT SLOW. 

GREG AND LISA: (Singing) THAT’S WHERE WE WANNA GO. WAY DOWN IN KOKOMO! 

LISA: Okay, here’s your juice and oatmeal. I’m sorry we don’t have any bananas this morning. I’ll get more tomorrow when the aide comes. 

(LISA sits down and puts a napkin on GREG. He doesn’t cooperate.)

Come on, Greg. Please eat something. 

LISA: Jake made pancakes. 

LISA: Jake? Wait, when? He’s at Lexi’s place this weekend. He’s not here, right?

(LISA anxiously looks out the window.) 

Jake’s car is gone, so he’s definitely not back… 

(GREG tries to eat some of the oatmeal, shakily.) 

Cindy and Brad were supposed to come over this weekend, but she said they had to fix something in the house…I know, it’s probably just one more excuse. They’re just like all our other friends. Everyone always finds some reason not to visit. Maya hasn’t come over in ages, either. I keep telling them that when you see old friends, it helps with your memory. But I think it upsets them to see you like this…I don’t even know if you miss them. We don’t need people in our life who don’t care. 

(LISA gets up from the table and starts to get busy in the kitchen area.)

When you’re done, I’ll help you get dressed and then maybe you want to sit a little, in the bedroom, by the window? You can watch the birds. There were some cute little ones in the big tree when I woke up. 

(JEFF enters the kitchen. He’s freshly showered. He doesn’t see GREG at the table area.)

JEFF: Hey, I think I should probably get out of here early, before it gets— 

(LISA freezes. JEFF notices GREG in the chair.)

Oh my God! 

LISA: (Whispering) What are you doing out here?! 

JEFF: (Whispering) I’m so sorry! I didn’t know— 

(JEFF starts to walk back where he came from.)

GREG: (To JEFF) Hey! Where are you going? 

JEFF: (Whispering) Is he talking to me? What should I do? 

LISA: I don’t know! Shit. 

GREG: Daniel? 

LISA: Just a sec, Honey! Everything’s okay! 

(LISA and JEFF huddle in a corner and speak in hushed voices.)

LISA: (To JEFF) I’m pretty sure he thinks you’re a lawyer in his old firm. Oh, God. Maybe I should tell him you are Daniel, but no, that would confuse him more, I think. 

JEFF: I am so sorry. You said you usually get up and make breakfast first, while he’s still sleeping. 

LISA: I told you to wait in the guest bedroom until I texted you! 

JEFF: I totally misunderstood you. 

GREG: Daniel! Where’s that brief? 

JEFF: I’ll run back to the guest room. Or maybe just leave. 

LISA: No, don’t! You’re already out here and he’s talking to you. Just come over, I’ll deal with it. 

(They walk over to GREG.) 

(Lisa To GREG) Greg, it’s not Daniel. This is Jeff. 

JEFF: Hi, Greg. I’m uh… 

LISA: A friend. An old friend from college. He needed a place to stay last night, so I put him up in the guest room. It was raining so hard, and he happened to be in the neighborhood—  

JEFF: Yeah, I was visiting some friends up here and was going to drive back into the City, but— 

LISA: He doesn’t need to know anything else. 

GREG: We don’t have bananas today. 

JEFF: (To LISA) I feel really bad about this. 

LISA: It’s okay. Just sit and have something to eat. 

JEFF: Are you kidding? 

GREG: No bananas. 

JEFF: Yeah, I heard that, thanks, Greg. I’m not a big banana fan, anyway, so… 

LISA: (To GREG) Honey, Jeff’s going to stay for some coffee. 

(LISA goes to get coffee for JEFF. JEFF follows her. They speak quietly in the kitchen area, away from GREG.)

JEFF: I don’t know why I even agreed to stay overnight. 

LISA: It was a really bad storm, and it was safer for you to stay here. 

JEFF: We both know that was just an excuse. I wanted to be with you. 

LISA: Me, too. 

JEFF: I wish I could take you back to bed. 

LISA: Maybe you can, if you wait until I set Greg up in our bedroom. Then I could meet you back in the guest bedroom. 

JEFF: This isn’t a French farce. 

LISA: Are you sure? 

GREG: This orange juice tastes like shit! You bought the wrong one. 

LISA: It’s the same brand I always buy! 

JEFF: We can’t just go at it in bed while Greg watches Netflix. 

LISA: It’s not about that. I want to talk and hang out with you. 

JEFF: But isn’t Greg going to figure out that a strange man shouldn’t be here for breakfast? 

LISA: I’m pretty sure at this point he won’t. And my son shouldn’t be back until later this afternoon— 

JEFF: Your son is here? 

LISA: No, not now! I told you he’s at his girlfriend’s for the weekend. He’s not going to come home this early. 

JEFF: But what if he does come home early? It’s not like he’s going to have trouble processing what’s going on here! 

LISA: He won’t be home anytime soon. Just stay a little while. It gets so lonely for me here. There’s no real conversation. 

JEFF: Look, I get it, but— 

LISA: And it’s not like you’re just someone else to talk to. I feel really connected to you. 

JEFF: Me, too. Maybe it’s something about having known each other when we were younger. Normally after two weeks, it wouldn’t be like this. 

GREG: Why aren’t you sitting down with me? 

LISA: Honey, be right there! 

(To JEFF) If it gets too weird, you can go. 

JEFF: It’s already beyond weird! 

LISA: I really wanted to ask you about this piece I’m thinking of writing. 

JEFF: Okay, fine. 

LISA: Great! I have some muffins. Not as amazing as the Barclay Inn’s, but they’re pretty good. 

(JEFF sits at the table with his coffee. GREG looks at JEFF.)

JEFF: So, Greg…I…uh…really like your house. 

(LISA brings over some muffins.) 

LISA: We’ve got corn and blueberry left. Greg, Jeff’s a cardiothoracic surgeon. In the city…It’s nice to have some company, for a change, right? Jeff lives near Georgio’s. That restaurant we loved when we lived in the City. 

JEFF: Georgio’s is the best. Their veal saltimbocca is out of this world. And the fried zucchini. 

LISA: Oh my God, yes! I’m dying to go back there. 

GREG: Linguine with clams. 

LISA: The linguine with clams! You remembered! 

(To JEFF) That was his favorite dish at Georgio’s. 

GREG: With the shells. 

LISA: Yep! Always with the shells. 

(To JEFF) Greg’s mother made clam sauce with those canned clams, so he never realized until he ordered it at a restaurant that they use actual fresh clams in the shells. It was a long-running joke. 

(Silence. LISA smells something and realizes it’s GREG, having a bowel movement. JEFF smells it, too.)

GREG: I need… 

LISA: I know, it’s okay. 

(To JEFF) I’m so sorry. He wears special underwear now, so it won’t be messy, but—  

JEFF: Don’t worry about it. 

LISA: Greg, we’re going to go to the bathroom. 

(To JEFF) He was constipated, so I gave him a laxative yesterday, but…Oh, God, why am I telling you this? 

JEFF: I’m a doctor, it’s fine. 

LISA: Greg, I’m just going to have Jeff help me clear these dishes. 

(LISA leads JEFF over to the kitchen area. They speak quietly and quickly.)

LISA: (To JEFF) I’ll be right back. Just give me like 5 minutes. 

JEFF: This is crazy! 

LISA: I don’t know what’s crazy anymore. 

JEFF: He’s still your husband, and I can’t just— 

LISA: I’m sorry. I really didn’t want you to see all this. I’m so sorry. 

JEFF: Stop apologizing. I wanted to stay last night. I just didn’t think through the morning thing. 

LISA: Clearly I didn’t either. 

GREG: I’ll be right back. 

(GREG tries to get up.) 

LISA: Greg, wait for me to help you! We’ll go in a sec, I promise! 

JEFF: I’ll see you this week. 

LISA: You sure you still want to? 

JEFF: Yes. But I’m going to go now. I’ll call you later. 

GREG: It stinks in here! 

(GREG shakily stands up, with some help from LISA, as she walks with him.) 

LISA: We’re going, Honey. 

(LISA and GREG walk offstage.) 

GREG: (from offstage) Don’t touch me! 

(JEFF exits.) 

(Lights fade.) 

SCENE 4 

Ten days later. Lights up on Jeff’s bedroom. LISA and JEFF are in bed, eating popcorn and watching t.v. 

LISA: I didn’t see that coming, did you? 

JEFF: I was betting it was the creepy neighbor. 

LISA: I’ve watched enough of these shows to know it’s never the person who seems the most psycho. 

JEFF: But that guy was bat-shit crazy. Turning his coat closet into a meat locker? 

LISA: Yeah, fucked up. 

JEFF: “No, that’s not ribeye, it’s part of Mrs. Grossman in 4B!” 

LISA: (Laughing) This is really making me want to be vegan…Greg and I loved detective shows. But then when Greg couldn’t follow the plots, it got…never mind, I didn’t mean to— 

JEFF: Do you want to watch something else? 

LISA: No, I’m good. 

JEFF: I’ll turn it off. 

(He turns off the t.v.)

Sorry I didn’t have time for dinner. 

LISA: This worked out great. Fantastic sex, popcorn, and a murder show. The best night I’ve had in a very long time. 

JEFF: Me, too…I hope I didn’t bore you with all that talk about my poems. 

LISA: Not at all! I love them! 

JEFF: They’re just for fun. 

LISA: You’re a very good writer. 

JEFF: That means a lot coming from you. 

LISA: A surgeon who writes sonnets. 

JEFF: The heart is more than just a muscle to me. 

(JEFF cuddles closer.) 

LISA: So when do I get my sonnet? 

JEFF: I’m working on it. 

LISA: Really? 

JEFF: Yep. 

LISA: I can’t wait to be immortalized in iambic pentameter. 

JEFF: (speaking in iambic pentameter) It isn’t hard to do with such a muse. 

LISA: Wow! That’s already pretty good! 

(Cuddling gets a bit more heated.)

LISA: I’m glad I got a wax, because I’ve gotten lazy about that kind of thing. Not just because Greg and I don’t—Ugh, sorry, I keep doing that! 

JEFF: It’s okay. 

LISA: No, it’s not. I need to stop. 

JEFF: Look, I don’t expect you to pretend he doesn’t exist. I’ve already had breakfast with him. 

LISA: He hasn’t said anything about it, and it’s been over a week, so I’m assuming he doesn’t remember. 

JEFF: You really have great legs. 

LISA: Thanks. But I’m sure you’ve seen a lot of younger legs since your divorce. 

JEFF: It’s not about age. 

LISA: I’m not as good about working out as I used to be. Don’t exactly have time anymore. 

JEFF: As long as I can run outside, I’m usually fine. But these knees aren’t what they used to be. 

LISA: So you are mortal! My knees aren’t great, either. 

JEFF: Well I think they’re beautiful. 

LISA: I miss hiking more than the gym, actually. 

JEFF: I hiked in the Swiss Alps a few years ago. With my sons. They’re very into outdoorsy stuff. 

LISA: I’ll bet it was gorgeous! 

JEFF: It was. Like “The Sound of Music.” Without the Nazis. 

(LISA laughs.) 

LISA: Oh, my God, Greg!—I mean, Jeff! I meant to say “Jeff.” I’m so sorry, I— 

JEFF: Now this is getting uncomfortable. 

LISA: I don’t know what happened, we were having such a good time, and— 

JEFF: It’s okay. I have to get up early, so… 

LISA: I should go. I asked our new aide, Mary, to work late tonight, but still. 

(LISA’s phone rings. She sees it’s Emma.)

It’s my daughter. 

(She answers it. Lights up on EMMA downstage, with her phone.) 

LISA: You okay? 

EMMA: Not really. I mean, I’m safe. I just…I was going to text, but I really wanted to talk. 

LISA: It’s okay. I’m just…out right now – 

EMMA: You’re not home? 

LISA: No, I was working on a story in the City and then…I met a friend…another writer I know, and we went to dinner. I’m going to drive back soon. 

EMMA: I don’t want to bother you, but— 

LISA: What happened? 

EMMA: I had a date with this guy. A first date, and—  

LISA: What did he do to you? 

EMMA: It wasn’t like that. He didn’t do anything to me. 

LISA: Oh, good. 

EMMA: We were talking about our families. He seemed nice, but a little boring, and we didn’t really have any chemistry. But then he started telling me about his dad, and how close they are. They’re both lawyers, and he talks to his dad about his cases. Not the specifics, because of client confidentiality, but he said that his dad gives him a lot of advice, and they go on all these golf outings together, and…I just started crying. On a first date! 

It made me think about Dad, and how close we were…and how I’ll never be able to talk to him about my cases, my career, or anything. I’m not going to know him as an adult. I’m going to miss out on all of that. I’m just really, really sad. 

LISA: Oh, Honey, I’m sorry. 

EMMA: (Crying) I’m trying to pretend things are going to be okay. But they’re not. And I don’t have any friends who understand. None of them are going through this right now. 

LISA: I know, it’s awful. 

(LISA mouths “Sorry” to JEFF. He mouths, “It’s fine” back to her.) 

EMMA: Sorry, you have your own stuff to deal with— 

LISA: No, it’s okay. I want to be here for you. 

EMMA: I just needed to tell that to someone. 

LISA: Do you want to talk later when I get home? 

EMMA: No, I have to work on a brief for this hard-ass partner. I need to focus. I’ll be fine. 

LISA: You sure? 

EMMA: Yeah. I hope you had a nice dinner with your friend. 

LISA: I did, thanks. I’ll check in with you tomorrow. 

EMMA: I’ll be okay. 

LISA: I know, but I’ll check in anyway…I love you. 

EMMA: Love you, too. 

(They both end the call. EMMA exits.) 

LISA: She got sad on a date. About Greg…Ugh, sorry, I— 

JEFF: I know, I know. 

LISA: And I just lied to my daughter about where I was…I have to go. 

JEFF: Are we meeting next week? 

LISA: Do you still want to? 

JEFF: As long as it’s a night when my sons aren’t here. 

LISA: You seem like a really great dad. 

JEFF: I try to spend as much time with them as I can. 

(Beat.) 

LISA: I know this…what’s happening here, is not normal, but with everything I’m going through…it means a lot to me. 

JEFF: Me, too. There’s got to be something okay about this, right? 

LISA: Yeah…I hope so. 

(LISA exits. Lights fade.) 

SCENE 5

 

(Lights up downstage to reveal LISA and GREG 6 years ago, with backpacks.) 

GREG: This is fantastic! 

LISA: I wasn’t sure I was going to like the hike as much as the wine tasting, but it’s amazing. 

GREG: I can’t believe when I went to Florence as a kid, I never did the whole Tuscan hills thing. 

LISA: You were on a teen tour! You probably just hung out at the trattorias and tried to pick up Italian women. 

GREG: What do you mean tried to? 

LISA: Exactly. 

GREG: I think we’re almost at the scenic point. 

LISA: This seems a little steep. 

GREG: (Reaching out) Hold my hand, I’ll give you a lift. 

(LISA grabs his hand and continues up.) 

LISA: This would have been easier before I started having knee issues. 

GREG: We’re in our forties, we’re going to have issues. 

LISA: You don’t have any. 

GREG: I may have superior genetics, but don’t feel bad. 

LISA: Okay, Iron Man. 

GREG: Wow, look at this! 

LISA: Oh my God, it’s spectacular! You can see the whole town of San Gimignano! I have to get this shot! 

(LISA takes out her phone and snaps some photos.)

Even the air smells better here. 

GREG: Let me take a photo of you with the hills in the background. 

(GREG grabs his phone.)

LISA: I’m going to be very squinty with all this sun in my face. 

GREG: Come on, Lisa. My “Mona Lisa.” Perfecto. You look great in this light. 

(GREG takes a photo of LISA. LISA gets out a towel. They sit. They start to take out some food, plastic glasses, and wine.)

GREG: I hope we packed a…a… 

LISA: A what? 

GREG: A…You know, for opening the wine. 

LISA: A corkscrew? 

GREG: Yeah, corkscrew. 

LISA: It’s in here…You okay? 

GREG: I’m fine. Just jet-lagged. 

(LISA checks her phone.) 

LISA: Jake was supposed to send me his history paper to review. 

GREG: You said you weren’t going to obsess about the kids on this trip. 

LISA: I know, but it’s really hard. Maybe we should have waited to take this trip until Jake was a little older. 

GREG: We said we’d go to Tuscany on our 20th anniversary. 

LISA: I know, and it’s been amazing, but— 

GREG: Stop. He’ll be fine. And my mom is good with him. 

LISA: It’s hard for anyone to be good with a 14 year-old. 

GREG: Just put the phone down, and let’s enjoy this. 

LISA: I will, in a sec. 

(LISA checks her phone again and sees a photo on social media.)

What the hell? I don’t believe this!

GREG: What? 

LISA: Maya and Cindy went away together! They posted a photo! 

GREG: So what? 

LISA: They’re at a spa, to celebrate Maya’s birthday! They’re in robes, drinking mojitos! 

GREG: But you couldn’t go anyway. 

LISA: That’s not the point! They didn’t ask me! My closest friends did this without telling me, or picking a date that we could all make. 

GREG: Okay, that sucks, but— 

LISA: Ever since Maya’s divorce, she’s been getting closer to Cindy. They took that cooking class together 

GREG: You don’t like cooking— 

LISA: Now it’s just going to be all about the two of them, and their recipes for ceviche. 

GREG: You’re going off the rails. 

LISA: Don’t invalidate my feelings! I’m really hurt. 

GREG: I get it. You feel left out. But you can’t let this ruin our day. I mean look at this place— 

LISA: I’m too upset to enjoy it right now. 

GREG: Are you kidding me? This is our time! If you hadn’t looked at your phone, when you should have been in the moment with me, you wouldn’t have even known about it! 

LISA: So now it’s my fault for checking my phone? 

GREG: Yes! I’ve been looking forward to this for months— 

LISA: So have I!/ 

GREG: /But you couldn’t focus on just the two of us, enjoying this incredible site, for even 5 minutes! You’re glued to your phone and fixated on what other people think of you! 

LISA: Great, so now you hate me, too! 

GREG: Oh, for God’s sake. 

LISA: I need some space. 

(LISA walks away. GREG stews. LISA comes back.) 

LISA: Look, I’m sorry. It isn’t just this spa thing. I always assumed I could rely on my old friends, that we’d always be there for each other. But maybe I’m not that important to them anymore. 

GREG: You’re expecting too much from your friends. At this stage, everyone’s lives are pretty complicated. 

LISA: I guess so…Now our memories of San Gimignano are gonna be tainted. 

GREG: We’ve had bigger fights on other trips. And we still managed to have a great time. 

LISA: You’re right. Nobody else gets me like you do. 

GREG: We get each other. Now come over here and sit down, and look at the squinty-eyed photo I took of you. 

LISA: You said I looked beautiful! 

GREG: You do. It’s a sexy squint. 

(GREG shows her the photo.) 

LISA: Actually, it’s not bad. 

GREG: I wish I could paint a portrait of you. Right here. 

LISA: Paint me? 

GREG: But you’d have to strip down for that. I only paint my subjects in the nude. 

LISA: I’ve never seen you paint anything except the basement walls. 

GREG: There’s always time to learn new skills and cultivate hidden talents. Maybe that’ll be my retirement plan. 

LISA: You’ll never retire! Your work’s too tied into your identity. 

GREG: But eventually it would be fun to take a sabbatical or something, travel the world. 

LISA: That would be amazing. I’ve been thinking about my empty nest plan, too. Maybe writing a book. 

GREG: You should do it! 

LISA: I’ll have more time to focus on bigger projects once Jakey’s in college. All these possibilities will be opening up. 

GREG: There is something nice about that. 

LISA: Just looking out at this…expansive view makes me feel kind of limitless, you know? 

GREG: Let’s come back to this same spot for our 50th anniversary. 

LISA: You think we could still do this hike in our mid-seventies? 

GREG: Why not? 

LISA: It’s a date! 

(They toast. The bells of a distant church ring many times, as the lights shift. The sound of the church bells morphs into the sound of a microwave oven beeping. We’re back in the present, in the house, 3 days after the last scene. GREG shuffles in slowly with a walker.)

LISA: Okay, Honey, your soup’s ready. 

(LISA helps GREG into a chair at the table. Then she goes to retrieve the soup.) 

I want to make sure you’ve had something healthy to eat before we have cake. 

GREG: Too hot. 

LISA: Let me blow on it a bit. Okay, should be fine now. 

(GREG continues eating. LISA gets a text from JEFF. She reads it, smiles, then texts back.) 

Let’s have a little music. 

(LISA goes to her laptop and cranks up “The Stranger” by Billy Joel. She gets another text from JEFF and types on her laptop. She smiles. Her phone rings. It’s JEFF. She speaks in a whisper.)

I can’t talk now. I told you we’re celebrating Greg’s birthday today…If you can miss me after only three days, that’s nice…I’ll see you tomorrow…Yeah, those were some pretty hot texts…Me, too. Bye. 

GREG: (Singing softly) THE GIRL IS MINE 

THE DOGGONE GIRL IS MINE. 

(JAKE enters with a cake box.)

JAKE: I’m back. 

LISA: How did it go? 

(LISA turns off the music.) 

JAKE: Fine. I got the Triple Fudge Cake. 

LISA: Dad will love it. 

JAKE: I hope so. I don’t know what he loves anymore. 

(EMMA enters with a small bag.) 

EMMA: Hi, the train was ridiculously slow. 

LISA: There’s no rush. 

EMMA: Happy Birthday, Dad! 

(GREG is silent.) 

EMMA: I brought a black and white cookie for you. 

JAKE: But I already got the Triple Fudge Cake. 

EMMA: I know. But he always said he’d rather have a black and white cookie any day over cake. 

LISA: It’s great to have both. 

EMMA: Is Mary here? 

LISA: No, she doesn’t usually work on weekends. And now Jake’s home for the summer, so— 

JAKE: I feel bad I’m not helping more, and I’m not here that much on the weekends—  

LISA: You’re working, and you do what you can when you’re home. You need to see Lexi, too. It’s your last summer break, and I don’t want to ruin it by making you feel tied down here. 

EMMA: But Mary seems to be working out, right? 

LISA: She’s very good, and I’m grateful to have her. 

JAKE: And now you can go into the City and work on your pieces. 

LISA: What pieces? 

JAKE: You said having Mary also gave you time to go into the City and do some interviewing for the articles you’re working on. 

LISA: Oh, yeah, it does. I have to go into the City tomorrow again. 

JAKE: You want to commute in with me? 

LISA: No, no, I’m going later in the day. 

EMMA: Dad, how are you doing? 

GREG: I went to Tuscany. 

EMMA: To Tuscany?…Oh, yeah, you mean with Mom, right? 

(Beat.) 

GREG: You’re so pretty. 

EMMA: Thanks. 

GREG: You have a boyfriend? 

EMMA: No, not right now. 

GREG: You need to be home by 10. That’s the curfew. 

(Beat.) 

Nobody fucking listens to me! 

LISA: Greg, it’s alright. We listen to you. 

EMMA: Mom, maybe you should get Mary to do more hours, if Jake’s so busy— 

JAKE: I’m helping out, didn’t you hear her? 

LISA: I’m fine. I don’t need more outside support. 

EMMA: Maybe just a weekend person for at least a few hours. 

JAKE: So you won’t feel so guilty about never being here? 

EMMA: No! I just don’t know why Mom doesn’t want more help when Dad is in such bad shape. 

LISA: You really want to know? Private aides are very expensive. We’re lucky we saved over the years, but we don’t have long term care insurance. We never thought to get it, at our age. Thank God we saved enough for both of your educations, but we assumed Dad would be working for many years after that. 

EMMA: Wow, I didn’t realize money was that tight. 

JAKE: You’re not here enough to figure that out!/ 

LISA: /And it’s not like I can easily get a full-time job to offset the costs. Aides probably make more than I would. I haven’t had a full-time salaried job in over 20 years. I don’t have any skills to do anything other than write at this point. And in case you didn’t know, most freelance writers aren’t exactly rolling in money. 

EMMA: Mom, I’m sorry. 

LISA: No, I’m sorry I said any of that. It’s not your problem. 

EMMA: Please don’t worry. Just spend what you need now, and Jake and I can help you out, if you need anything. 

LISA: No, that’s sweet, but/ 

JAKE: /Whoa, wait a minute! What do you mean “Jake and I”? I’m still in college! 

EMMA: I was talking about the future, when you get a job. 

JAKE: It’s easy for you to be generous. When Dad got sick, there was still plenty of money for you to go to law school. 

EMMA: You can’t blame me for that!/ 

LISA: Oh my God, I don’t believe this/ 

JAKE: /The point is that if I wanted to go to law school now – 

EMMA: You want to go to law school?/ 

JAKE: /No, I’m just saying if I did, or wanted to go to any graduate school, I couldn’t get Mom and Dad to pay for it, like you did. 

LISA: Jake, if you really needed the money/ 

JAKE: /No, I don’t think I need another degree anyway for graphic design. But if I wanted money for anything else, like if I wanted to start a business, I’d have to do it all on my own. 

EMMA: Lots of people do it on their own. 

JAKE: But you didn’t have to! That’s what I’m saying!/ 

LISA: /You need to stop./ 

EMMA: /Maybe I would have taken a lower-paying legal job if Dad wasn’t sick, like doing public interest or something./ 

JAKE: /That’s total bullshit! You wanted the most prestigious job you could get. 

LISA: You’re both being really selfish now. 

EMMA: I’m the one who wanted to help. I’m sorry if Jake feels like he’s the victim here. 

JAKE: You can’t just throw your money around and act like you’re saving the day! 

EMMA: Oh my God, seriously?! 

LISA: Stop it, both of you! 

GREG: (Singing)I’M A ROCKET MAN! 

ROCKET MAN BURNING OUT HIS FUSE UP HERE ALONE! 

(They all stop and listen.) 

LISA: Let’s get the cake ready. I’m just going to put one candle in it. 

EMMA: Can’t we put in five for 55? Or six, like one for good luck. 

JAKE: It’s a little late for good luck around here. 

LISA: He might not even be able to blow out one, so this is safer for him. 

(LISA gets the cake ready and brings it over.) 

Okay, let’s sing – but not too loudly. 

LISA, EMMA, and JAKE: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DAD/GREG! 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! 

EMMA: Blow out the candle, Dad. 

(GREG doesn’t move.)

JAKE: Come on, Dad, you can do it. It’s your birthday. 

GREG: Got a new baseball glove. 

LISA: At least he knows it’s his birthday. (To GREG) We’ll all help you blow out the candle. One, two, three! 

(They all blow, GREG with great difficulty. The candle goes out.)

EMMA: Yay! Happy Birthday! Love you, Dad. 

JAKE: Mom, are you okay? 

LISA: I’m fine. It’s just…I don’t know how many more birthdays he’s going to have. 

JAKE: Oh, Mom…shit. And I acted like such a jerk, I’m sorry. 

LISA: It’s okay. We’re all upset. I really didn’t want to cry. 

(LISA and JAKE go to kitchen area to cut up the cake and distribute it. EMMA gets her cookie from the bag. She puts it on a plate and brings it over to GREG.) 

EMMA: Dad, have some of the black and white cookie. 

(GREG tries to take some bites. He starts choking.)

Oh my God, I didn’t know he would choke on it! Shit!/ 

LISA: (Rushing over to help) /He can’t chew well./ 

EMMA: /It’s a soft cookie! I thought it would be easy/. 

LISA: /It’s not your fault./ 

JAKE: /What should we do?/ 

LISA: /Spit it out, Greg. I’ll get some water. 

(Before LISA can give GREG water, he roughly pushes the cookie off the plate and it falls to the floor. EMMA rushes to retrieve it, while LISA helps GREG with some water.) 

LISA: Just take small sips….It’s okay. 

GREG: Can’t even eat a fucking cookie! 

(EMMA cleans up the cookie from the floor.) 

EMMA: I thought the cookie would make him happy. 

(They all start to eat cake in sad silence.)

EMMA: I got tested last week. 

LISA: Tested for what? 

EMMA: For eFAD. The Early Onset gene. 

JAKE: You did it? 

EMMA: I didn’t get my results yet. 

LISA: You didn’t tell me you were going to do it. 

EMMA: I didn’t want you to talk me out of it. 

LISA: I wouldn’t have. 

EMMA: Jake would have. 

JAKE: Not true. I just don’t want to do it. And I don’t want to be pressured. 

EMMA: I never said you had to. It’s your life. 

JAKE: Yeah, and I don’t want to ruin it by knowing I’m screwed. 

LISA: If Emma wants to know, that’s her choice. 

EMMA: It’s 50/50 because of Dad, and I can’t deal with the anxiety of not knowing if I’m going to get it, too. And I can’t even think about freezing my eggs if I don’t have the testing. 

LISA: Freeze your eggs? You’re only 24! 

EMMA: Not now, but I might want to consider doing it some day. With the hours I work, and the shitty dates I’ve gone on, I might never meet the right guy. 

LISA: You will. 

EMMA: Maybe not. 

JAKE: And what happens if you do meet the right guy and you’ve got the gene? You going to tell him you’re probably going to get Early Onset Alzheimer’s? That’s gonna go over well. 

EMMA: He’s going to realize that’s a major risk anyway when he finds out about Dad getting diagnosed at 50. 

JAKE: Well I don’t want to know, and Lexi respects that. 

EMMA: So your girlfriend is fine with that, great. You want to roll the dice, that’s your decision. 

JAKE: We roll the dice with just about every other disease, so why do I have to live the rest of my life with an axe hanging over my head? 

EMMA: You think not knowing will make that axe go away? 

LISA: Please, both of you. Let’s not do this right now. I know it’s an important discussion, but I want Dad’s birthday to be a happy day. 

JAKE: Kind of hard for it to be happy when Emma has to bring up our shitty genetics. 

(GREG starts to rock back and forth.) 

GREG: (Moaning to himself) No, no, no…. 

EMMA: Dad, you okay? 

LISA: He gets easily agitated, you know that. 

EMMA: So I guess that new medication isn’t helping? 

LISA: He didn’t start it yet. 

EMMA: Why not? 

LISA: They reported some significant side effects with the heart rate. And Dad’s side of the family has cardiac issues. 

EMMA: You’re worried about side effects at this point? I thought this was a cutting edge drug. 

JAKE: The studies were inconclusive. 

EMMA: So you’re just going to give up on him? That’s it?/ 

JAKE: /Don’t pick on Mom! She’s doing everything she can./ 

LISA: /I’m not giving up! Jesus, Emma, can’t you give it rest, just for today? 

EMMA: Sorry. I just don’t know how to deal with this. 

LISA: Maybe you should talk to a therapist. 

EMMA: I’m fine. I don’t even have time for one. 

LISA: Dad looks tired. This has already been too much for him. I think he needs to take a nap. 

(LISA goes to get the walker.) 

GREG: I went to Tuscany. We had a picnic. 

JAKE: Yeah, that’s great. 

GREG: Belissima San Gimignano! 

EMMA: Do you want to tell us more about it, Dad? 

(GREG seems confused.) 

About Tuscany. 

(GREG is shut down now.) 

LISA: Come on, Greg. You could use a little rest. 

EMMA: Bye, Dad. Love you. 

(EMMA gives GREG a kiss.)

GREG: I get so tired. 

EMMA: We know. 

LISA: Emma, I have a file on my laptop with the newest study on that medication trial. Look under “Drug Studies. You’ll see what I mean about the side effects. 

EMMA: Okay, I’ll take a look. 

(LISA and GREG exit.) 

EMMA: This sucks. It just really, really sucks. 

JAKE: No shit. 

EMMA: It’s so scary. I mean when you think of how sharp Dad was… Remember those current events quizzes he gave us at the dinner table? Those were fun. 

JAKE: I hated those. He was so brutal about it. 

EMMA: Most of the time he was tough, but fair. 

JAKE: Every time I got something wrong, he’d roll his eyes, like I was the idiot child who was switched at birth or something. 

(EMMA goes to LISA’S laptop. LISA forgot to close out her text message window.) 

EMMA: Who the hell is Jeff Garrett? 

JAKE: Who? 

EMMA: Some guy named Jeff Garrett has been texting – no, SEXTING Mom! 

JAKE: What are you talking about?/ 

EMMA: /They’re having a…thing! 

JAKE: You can’t be serious. 

EMMA: (Scrolling) What the fuck?! I don’t believe this. I need to go to the top of this chain. 

(Reading) “I keep thinking about how magical that night was at reunion.” Oh my God. And you wanted her to go! 

JAKE: I wanted her to have fun with her friends! I didn’t tell her to hook up with another guy! 

(JAKE rushes over to the laptop. They read.)

EMMA: (Whispering) Keep it down. Mom’ll be back here any minute. 

JAKE: This looks like a full-blown affair. Jesus. 

EMMA: (Reading) “Wear that tight black leather skirt you wore last week so I can push it up over your gorgeous thighs.” Oh my God!

JAKE: Gross. I can’t read this. 

(He turns away.) 

EMMA: “I want to keep the sweet taste of you on my tongue”?! 

JAKE: Stop! You’re talking about our mom! 

EMMA: Do you think I want to read this? It’s like the scene of an accident. I can’t look away! It’s just…horrible!…Mom actually wrote, “You know just how to touch me!” Ugh!/ 

JAKE: /I thought she was going into the City for work stuff./ 

EMMA: /How could she do this to Dad? It’s sick!/ 

JAKE: /She does have a shitty life, but— 

EMMA: Are you kidding? You think because she has a tough life here with Dad that this is okay? 

JAKE: I didn’t say it was okay. But with Dad so out of it, maybe Mom just felt desperate for, you know/ 

EMMA: /And she was stupid enough not to close out her texts! Does she want to get caught? 

JAKE: What are we going to do? Should we tell her we saw them? 

EMMA: Shit. I don’t know. It’s not like we can “unsee” this. 

(LISA enters.) 

LISA: I’m gonna have some coffee. You guys want anything? 

EMMA: No. 

JAKE: I’m okay. 

(LISA goes to pour some coffee for herself. EMMA and JAKE sit silently.)

LISA: Sorry Dad didn’t last longer today. Maybe the excitement from his birthday was a little overwhelming for him. 

JAKE: Yeah, it was a lot. 

LISA: At least you both were here, and I’m sure he was happy about that. 

(LISA sits down with them.) 

I made your final tuition payment on Friday, Jakey, so that’s one good thing.

JAKE: Yeah, that’s good.

LISA: Still can’t believe you’re going into your last year of college. You should try to enjoy every moment of senior year. You’re never gonna have that time again.

EMMA: But it’s fun to recapture that time, isn’t it?

LISA: What do you mean?

EMMA: Like at reunion. You know, recapturing those good ol’ college

days.

JAKE: Emma—

LISA: Yeah, it really was fun.

EMMA: And reconnecting with old friends! Everyone feeling really close to each other again. Like super close.

JAKE: Emma, don’t.

LISA: It really gave me a whole new perspective on everything.

EMMA: (Sarcastically) Oh, I’ll bet.

LISA: Why are you being like that?

EMMA: Like what?

LISA: So snide.

JAKE: She’s always snide.

EMMA: Is there something you want to tell us, Mom?

LISA: What would I want to tell you?

JAKE: Don’t ask her!

LISA: Ask me what? What the hell is going on?!

(Beat.)

EMMA: We saw your texts. With “Jeff.”

LISA: Oh my God. How did you see that?!

JAKE: We didn’t mean to—

EMMA: You told us to look for the medical studies on your laptop. You left your message window wide open.

LISA: Oh, God…You read my private text messages?

EMMA: They were right there on your screen!

LISA: I didn’t realize I left it open. Shit.

(Beat.)

EMMA: That’s all you have to say?

LISA: I don’t know what to say.

EMMA: You had a lot to say to Jeff!

LISA: I’m really sorry you had to find out that way.

EMMA: It would have been okay if we had found out another way?

LISA: Look, it’s complicated—

EMMA: It’s not just the texts! It’s what you’re actually doing!

LISA: I was going to tell you, when I was ready to, but—

JAKE: We’re not judging you, it’s just—

EMMA: Yes, we are!

LISA: Look, I know this seems wrong, but—

EMMA: Seems wrong?

JAKE: Emma, calm down! Mom, we’re just trying to understand./

LISA: /I’ve struggled a lot with this, believe me, so let me try to explain—

EMMA: You’re cheating on Dad!

LISA: It’s not exactly cheating, Emma. This is not a normal situation, and—

EMMA: Is sex so important to you, at your age, that you can’t control your urges—

LISA: My age?! I’m only fifty-one!

JAKE: Do we really have to talk about this?!

LISA: Yes! Clearly we do! I love Dad, but I am very, very lonely. And I miss having some passion in my life. It was a big part of our marriage. It’s been years since I’ve had anything even close to that, and at this stage I barely feel like I have a husband. There’s no intimacy. You have no idea what that’s like!

EMMA: So it’s okay to outsource the sex and intimacy, because this isn’t what you signed up for.

LISA: Shut up! How dare you! Get out! Get out of my house!

EMMA: Great. Don’t want to be here anyway.

LISA: You never wanted to be here. That’s part of the problem.

JAKE: Emma, wait.

EMMA: If she just admitted what she did was wrong/

LISA: /Dad barely knows what’s going on around him! So how is this harming him?

EMMA: How do you know he can’t be hurt by this?

JAKE: Emma, come on! He’s isn’t at that level to know much of anything.

EMMA: Nobody really knows what goes on in his head!

LISA: As long as I’m here most of the time, to help him and show him love, why is it wrong to see someone else who gives me caring and support?

EMMA: Having an affair isn’t what they mean when they say caregivers need support!

LISA: I just wanted to feel a little happy, a little bit alive. I’m surrounded by death, day after day, a slow, corrosive death. Of the mind. Of the spirit. It’s breaking me.

(Beat.)

EMMA: I just wish you could have waited until Dad was…I don’t think Dad would have been with another woman if you were sick like that.

JAKE: How do you know?/

LISA: /That’s not fair, Emma./

EMMA: /I know Dad! He’s always been crazy about Mom.

LISA: And I was always crazy about Dad!

EMMA: You said “was”! Like he’s already gone.

LISA: I still love Dad! I don’t ever want to hurt him.

EMMA: But you don’t know if you already have…Are you going to tell him?

JAKE: Tell him about Jeff?

LISA: I hadn’t intended to.

EMMA: If you feel so fine about it, why not tell him?

LISA: I didn’t say I felt fine.

JAKE: Did you guys ever talk about it? I mean, whether it would be okay if you…you know—

LISA: If I wanted to date other people while he was getting sicker? No, we didn’t discuss it. Maybe other couples do, but I would never have brought that up. And I don’t think Dad wanted to think about that.

JAKE: He always had to be “king of his castle.”

LISA: What’s that supposed to mean?

JAKE: Nothing. It’s just…you know, he’s never exactly been the sensitive type.

EMMA: Why do you hate him so much?!

JAKE: I don’t hate Dad! Jesus! But you always take his side.

EMMA: You always take Mom’s!

LISA: There are no sides!/

EMMA: (to JAKE) As long as you’re financially dependent on Mom, you’re going to say that whatever she needs to do for herself is just fine.

JAKE: /What does this have to do with money?!/

LISA: /Can you stop?!/

EMMA: We’ll see what you think about all of this when Mom invites Mister “Sexter” over for Thanksgiving.

JAKE: You are out of control!/

LISA: /That’s enough!

(Beat.)

EMMA: I need a lot more time to process this.

LISA: Just remember, what I choose to do and how I handle my marriage and my life is my decision.

EMMA: I need to go.

(EMMA starts to gather her things to leave.)

But the thing is, I don’t have any other parent right now I can really talk to. Just you. That’s who I’m left with. So…yeah. That’s it.

(EMMA exits.)

JAKE: You know that’s not true, about the money.

LISA: I know.

(Long beat.)

JAKE: Do you mind if I call Lexi? I said I’d call her.

LISA: Sure.

JAKE: I’ll be back.

LISA: It’s okay. I kind of need to be alone right now.

(JAKE exits to another part of the house.)

(LISA sits at the table, staring at Greg’s birthday cake.)

(Lights fade, as the song “Love Stinks,” by the J. Geils Band plays.)

SCENE 6

LISA and GREG’s bedroom. 16 years ago. They are in their mid-thirties. GREG is in bed reading. LISA is offstage in the bathroom.

LISA: (From offstage) Oh my God, this is horrible! Now I know why everyone warned me about this.

GREG: They say the prep is much worse than the actual procedure.

LISA: It’s the worst! You’d think that with all the advances in medicine, they’d come up with a better way to get a colonoscopy.

(We hear flushing. LISA enters and crawls into bed.)

This is so much worse than that parasite I got in Cancun. I can’t believe I have hours more of this. I’m never going to sleep.

GREG: I don’t think anyone sleeps the night before. Want more water?

LISA: No, my water bottle’s full. I guess I’ll be drinking all night.

GREG: You can’t drink anything after 5AM.

LISA: What time is it?

GREG: It’s only 12. You want to watch t.v.?

LISA: No, I just want to lie here and be miserable until the next bathroom run. You’re so lucky you don’t have to do this before you’re 50.

GREG: At least you know to get checked. My Dad died too young for us to know what potential bad genes he was carrying. When he had the accident, he seemed healthy.

LISA: If my mom had been checked this young, she might have lived a lot longer. It just sucks to have to do this in your thirties. I haven’t even had a baseline mammogram yet.

GREG: I’ll be with you, it’s gonna be fine. I’ll stay up all night with you if you need me to.

LISA: You might not be able to sleep anyway through my 2 meter dashes to the toilet every twenty minutes.

GREG: Thank God I got Debbie to handle the deposition tomorrow.

LISA: Doesn’t the associate do depositions anyway?

GREG: Depends. But she’s really good, so I trust her. And it all worked out. You didn’t have to ask one of your friends to go with you.

LISA: You really would have done that deposition on the day of my procedure?

GREG: I don’t always have a choice, you know that.

LISA: You were supposed to be my plus-one for this.

GREG: At least your humor is still intact.

LISA: The more depleted I get, the more hilarious I am. By 5AM I’ll be on the short list for the Mark Twain Prize.

GREG: It’ll be a relief to just get it over with.

LISA: Let’s hope. I do appreciate your mom taking the kids to school.

GREG: She’s happy to come…I helped Jake with those math sheets he got from school. He had a lot of trouble with some of the puzzles and numbers. I have a feeling he’s not going to be a solid math student.

LISA: He’s four.

GREG: Yeah, but you know how they’re already prepping and tracking them for kindergarten.

LISA: He’s got other talents. Did you see that painting he did? With the sunflower? It’s pretty exceptional.

GREG: Yep, it’s good. But I worry about him sometimes. It’s going to be hard living in Emma’s shadow. Having a sister who’s good at everything.

LISA: She’s not good at art. And Jake’s also a nicer kid than she is.

GREG: You can’t say that!

LISA: You know it’s true.

GREG: Emma’s nice!

LISA: No, she’s not that nice. She’s brilliant and independent, but she’s…kind of hard.

GREG: She’s not hard. You’ve just got very different personalities.

LISA: What does that mean?

GREG: Nothing.

LISA: She’ll always be the light of your life. Chip off the old block.

GREG: Are you saying I’m hard?

LISA: No, she’s just got more of your…take-no-prisoners attitude.

GREG: That’s what’s going to make her successful.

LISA: Depends how you define success.

GREG: You’re getting less funny and more philosophical.

LISA: Can’t I be both?

GREG: Maybe Jake’s too sensitive. He cries a lot. Boys need to be a little tougher, because otherwise—

LISA: Stop! He’s still very young. And that’s just an excuse for being insanely patriarchal!

GREG: Look, I love him. I just want him to do well, and it’s a cruel world.

LISA: He’ll be okay…I hope. We won’t know how our kids are going to turn out until we’re too old to do anything to change it. My cousin Jack was a complete fuck-up as a kid, and now he’s a real estate magnate.

GREG: He owns strip malls. Hardly a magnate.

LISA: Hey, I once interviewed Frank Perdue, and my editor said we had to call him a poultry magnate…It’s a long road for our kids, and we just have to hope they figure it out. And hopefully I’ll be around to see it. That’s why I’m getting tested. I want to see my grandchildren one day.

GREG: You will. But we’re way too young to be thinking about grandkids!

LISA: I feel about a hundred years old right now. I’m exhausted..

GREG: Lie down and I’ll hug you.

LISA: Just don’t put too much pressure on the rear. I’m pretty raw.

GREG: Charming. I’ll be gentle. A little spooning is gonna make you feel better.

(GREG puts his arms around LISA and they spoon.)

LISA: That feels nice.

(Lights switch and GREG exits. Lights up in a bed in JEFF’s apartment. JEFF is in a similar spooning position as GREG was.He has his arms wrapped around LISA from behind, and he’s initiating foreplay. It’s three days after Scene 5.)

LISA: That feels nice.

JEFF: Just nice?

LISA: Very nice.

JEFF: That’s also how my grandmother described her friend’s coat.

LISA: Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound unenthused.

JEFF: It seems like you’re kind of distracted.

LISA: I am. Can we stop for a second?

JEFF: Sure. Something wrong?

LISA: My kids found out about us. They saw our texts.

JEFF: Oh, God. I’m sorry. That’s pretty embarrassing.

LISA: My daughter thinks I’m Anna Karenina. But dirtier.

JEFF: I can imagine what she thinks of me!

LISA: My son handled it better. But still, I know they’re both really upset.

JEFF: That’s hard.

LISA: I was going to tell them, eventually, but—

JEFF: You were?

LISA: I mean I think I would have…I don’t know. It’s not like I can expect them to be happy for me…Emma thinks I can somehow still be hurting Greg, even though I’m pretty sure he has no idea about any of this.

JEFF: He never said anything about me after that time at your house?

LISA: No. I don’t think he can understand what’s going on. Even if he did think something about it, his mind gets so muddled,he’d probably lose that thought and just wander off into the past. So I can’t really be hurting him…Right?

JEFF: I don’t know what he can comprehend. But it’s more about what you’re comfortable with.

LISA: I’m really happy when I’m with you. It makes being a caregiver a lot more bearable when I know I have this to look forward to. Sometimes I’ve felt like I was wishing for the person I love most in the world to… just die already. Not only so he could be relieved from his miserable existence, but so I could move on with my life. Does that make me a terrible person?

JEFF: No, it doesn’t.

(Beat.)

LISA: I’ve been thinking a lot about all of this, and I’d really like to see you more often. It’s really hard for me to get away to be with you in the city, but maybe you could stay over at the house more regularly? If you can deal with the commute?

JEFF: It’s not really about the commute to work. It’s spending more nights together in the house where your husband is.

LISA: I know it sounds crazy, but I realize now that life really is short, and you have to grab happiness where you can. Greg could be deteriorating like this for years. It’s like an endless cycle with him. Nobody knows how much time he has. As long as I’m taking care of him, do I have to put everything else in my life on hold?

JEFF: No, but I also don’t think it’s right to be together in that way in front of your husband, in his house. Even if we think he doesn’t know about us.

LISA: We could keep telling him you’re just an old friend. Maybe we can even all hang out together. His friends almost never come by anymore.

JEFF: So now I’m going to be Greg’s friend?

LISA: I’m just trying to figure out a way this could work.

JEFF: If you were thinking of putting him in a facility at some point—

LISA: I really don’t want to consider that until there’s no other option. I want to keep him home as long as I can manage it.

JEFF: And that’s your decision. I totally respect that. But I keep thinking about how I would feel if I had Alzheimer’s, and my wife, assuming we had stayed together, brought her boyfriend over to hang out with us. To try to be “my friend.”

LISA: Oh, God, I’m sorry. I didn’t really think about how you might identify with Greg.

JEFF: It’s terrifying to see a guy my age in that kind of condition! It’s like one of my biggest fears—to be that cognitively impaired, that people treat me like I’m not even there. That they could do anything they want in front of me. Including fuck my wife. That’s not something I want to be a part of.

LISA: So now you think I’m a monster.

JEFF: No, I’m not saying that. You seem very loving towards him.

LISA: I just thought in a weird way you’d be good company for him. Another guy to talk to for the times when he’s more lucid. But it was a stupid idea. I’m sorry I even brought it up.

JEFF: No, I think it’s good that you did. Because at some point we would need to figure out how this is all going to work. I’ve been thinking about that, too. I’ve just been enjoying this time together so much I didn’t want to think about the future, but since you brought it up—

LISA: I’m fine with things staying this way for however long I need to take care of Greg. Let’s just drop it. I shouldn’t have asked for more.

JEFF: But what if I want more?

(Beat.)

I’m at the point in my life where I’m looking for a partner. Like you said, it could be this way for years, with you as a caregiver for Greg. That’s not much of a life together for us as a couple.

If we keep going like this, it’s going to get harder…I really want to be with you, but…we can’t go away for trips, or socialize with other couples, or family members, or do what couples do when they’re together. How am I going to tell people I’m dating a married woman whose husband has Alzheimer’s?

LISA: You haven’t told anyone about us?

JEFF: I told my closest friend, but that’s it. He wasn’t the most supportive. How would I explain this to my sons? My parents? My colleagues at the hospital.

LISA: I can’t believe I ruined a good thing. I’m an idiot.

JEFF: No, it’s not your fault. You’re stuck in a really horrible situation—

LISA: But you don’t want to be stuck in it, too. Why would anyone want to? Nobody is signing up for what I have to offer.

JEFF: There might be other guys who’d be totally okay with it—

LISA: I should have just been happy with my vibrator. No strings, just some batteries.

JEFF: Lisa, I’m starting to really fall for you, and…I’m just not sure I can handle—

LISA: It’s fine. We’ve had fun, but it’s not sustainable. I can’t give you what you want…And it’s not fair for me to stop you from having a more normal relationship…I’m gonna get dressed and go.

(LISA starts to dress.)

JEFF: I don’t want to treat you like somebody I have to hide. You deserve better.

LISA: Well life isn’t really about getting what we deserve, is it? Some people are lucky. Some aren’t.

JEFF: Maybe at some point in the future, we could—

LISA: I can’t think that far ahead…I still do love Greg, you know.

JEFF: Of course you do.

LISA: I never wanted to hurt him.

JEFF: Nobody should have to make the kinds of choices you’re dealing with.

LISA: Maybe not, but they do.

(LISA exits. Lights fade.)

SCENE 7

Four years earlier. Lights up on LISA and GREG. They are sitting in the Great Room. GREG is on his laptop.

LISA: We need to talk about it.

GREG: I’m not ready.

LISA: It’s been two days since the test results. I wanted to give you time, but—

GREG: Clearly, I need more time to process things than you do. You’ll just have to get used to that. And a lot of other things.

LISA: We’re in this together. We have to talk about it.

GREG: I have work to do. We have motions to file in this case.

LISA: Which case is it?

GREG: Are you trying to test me? You think I don’t remember the names of my cases now?

LISA: That’s not why I asked.

GREG: It’s the Carter case. I’m going to be working on this one forever. Or until they kick me out of the firm.

LISA: You have to tell them.

GREG: They don’t need to know about the diagnosis. Not now. Once they find out, it’s over.

LISA: You can trust Peter. He loves you.

GREG: I’m going to tell my mentor that my brain is turning to shit?

LISA: He’ll help you come up with a plan to keep working.

GREG: If you were running a law firm, would you allow a partner with Early Onset Alzheimer’s to keep practicing? Billing your top clients for extra time because he couldn’t remember anything?

LISA: I just think—

GREG: I’ll tell him when I’m ready.

LISA: He already asked me what was going on.

GREG: He asked you? What did he say?

LISA: He was worried. People have noticed things. The lawyers working on the Carter case told him you were having trouble with your oral arguments.

GREG: Who’s Carter?

LISA: What?

GREG: You said Carter.

LISA: The Carter case. You just said—

GREG: /Was that the one with the merger? No wait, that was…what was the name of the case with the merger with that British company? Jesus, I can’t…

LISA: It’s okay.

GREG: No, it’s not okay!…And what are we supposed to tell the kids?

LISA: I don’t know, but we have to tell them.

GREG:  Not now. I need more time.

LISA: We might have to tell Emma. She already said she thought something was off with you, when she was home on break.

GREG: She noticed?

LISA:  I told her you were fine. But I think she should know before she decides which law school to go to.

GREG: I don’t want it to affect her decision.

LISA: I don’t either, but she’ll be upset if we don’t at least tell her about the diagnosis. We should probably wait to tell Jake. He’s already so stressed about the ACT prep, and—

GREG: Yeah, let’s wait on Jake. It’s going to be too much for him.

LISA: But that might be hard for Emma, not being able to talk to Jake about it.

GREG: We’ll tell him soon. I just…can’t…

LISA: Honey, I know. But we’re a family, and we’re all going to support you.

GREG: I’m supposed to be supporting all of you! Jake’s still in high school. He still needs a real father. Not some object of pity.

LISA: You won’t be./

GREG: /I’m not going into one of those horrible facilities!

LISA: I’m not putting you in a facility!

GREG: This is going to ruin all our lives!

LISA: There are things we can do. I just need you not to close off about this and to talk to me.

GREG: And what happens when I can’t talk anymore? When I’m just a vegetable in the corner who you can’t stand?

LISA: Stop.

GREG: Maybe I’ll be lucky and have a heart attack first, so I can die with some dignity.

LISA: Greg, come on.

(Beat.)

GREG: I’m scared.

LISA: I know. Me, too.

GREG: I don’t think I can do this.

LISA: We’ll figure it out.

GREG: There’s no figuring it out! I’m screwed, okay? We’re all massively screwed!

LISA: We have to take it one day at a time./

GREG: /I can’t even say, ”Im going to fight this,” like cancer. There aren’t any t-shirts with “I’m an Alzheimer’s Survivor” on them. Nobody beats this!

(GREG starts to storm out, but he bumps into a chair.)

Shit! Who the fuck put this chair here?!

LISA: It’s always been there, Honey.

GREG: There’s no “always” anymore!

(Lights switch. The present – a week after LISA and JEFF broke up. LISA, EMMA, JAKE, and GREG are sitting in the Great Room. GREG is dozing in a chair.)

EMMA: I have some good news.

LISA: God knows we could use some good news. What is it?

EMMA: I got my test results back. I don’t have the eFAD gene. It’s negative.

LISA: Thank God! That’s such a relief!

EMMA: I know.

JAKE: That’s great.

EMMA: I could still get regular Alzheimer’s, like anyone else, but at least I won’t definitely get it.

LISA: I’ve been worried, too. It’s bad enough with Dad, but thinking about you kids getting stuck with this…

EMMA: (To JAKE) Does this change your mind about testing?

JAKE: No, I still don’t want to. If you don’t have the gene, that probably means I do.

LISA: That’s not true/

EMMA: /That’s not how it works.

LISA: But, if you don’t want to get tested, that’s your decision. A lot of people don’t want to know.

JAKE: Lexi now thinks I should get tested.

LISA: She said that?

EMMA: You said she was fine with you not knowing.

JAKE: This weekend we started talking about our future. Getting married one day, having kids—

EMMA: You’re way too young to get married! You’re still in college!

JAKE: I don’t mean now. But when we started discussing kids, she admitted she was scared about the genetics.

EMMA: That’s why I wanted to know.

LISA: I can understand why Lexi is nervous, but—

JAKE: How is she not going to think that this could be her life with me? Your horrible life!

LISA: Most of my life with Dad was really good!

JAKE: Would you have married Dad if you knew this was going to happen?

LISA: Of course I would have!…I don’t think it would have changed my mind. And how does Lexi know she won’t get some other disease and you won’t have to take care of her? This testing only tells you about one thing.

JAKE: But it’s a really bad thing, Mom. Maybe I’m being selfish not doing the testing. But if she doesn’t love me enough to understand that I don’t want to know that my life is going to be cut short in my prime, then maybe she’s not the right one.

EMMA: Jesus, Jakey. I’m sorry.

JAKE: I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

LISA: Let’s not then.

(Beat.)

EMMA: Kind of sucks that Dad fell asleep again while we’re here.

LISA: He’s been doing that a lot lately. Sometimes he’s just dozing off a bit. But I know he appreciates seeing you.

EMMA: Are you doing okay?

LISA: Not really.

EMMA: (Quietly) Have you been…still seeing…

LISA: Are you asking about Jeff?

EMMA: Yeah. You’re going to talk about him in front of Dad?

JAKE: He’s asleep!

EMMA: But he might not be in a deep sleep. He could open his eyes any minute!/

LISA: /I think it’s fine. I mean, at this point he’s not processing very much. And he never remembers names.

JAKE: You don’t have to tell us what happened.

LISA: It’s over with Jeff. He wanted a more normal relationship. And I can’t really blame him.

EMMA: Mom, I’m sorry. I know I was hard on you.

JAKE: Sorry, Mom.

LISA: I thought you’d both be happy about it. Now I can go back to being “Saint Lisa.” Slightly tarnished, but—

EMMA: It’s not that we want you to be miserable—

LISA: But you don’t think I deserve to be happy with another man.

EMMA: You know it’s not that simple.

JAKE: You’re doing the best you can.(To EMMA) She could have put Dad in a facility months ago.

LISA: I’m not doing that! As long as I can care for him here, with Mary coming, we’ll manage. But I might join a support group for caregiver spouses.

EMMA: Finally! I can’t believe you haven’t done that already.

LISA: I didn’t want to sit around with other spouses and feel sad. My therapist tries to be helpful, but…Sometimes I get angry at her because she has a healthy husband and a full life, so how could she possibly understand what my life is like? I think I really do need to talk to other people going through this.

JAKE: It would be good to have other spouses to talk to.

EMMA: And possibly date.

LISA: Are you kidding me?!

EMMA: Yes, I was kidding. Sort of.

LISA: I’m not going to promise you that I won’t ever be with someone else again.

JAKE: Mom, just do what you need to do.

EMMA: I’m trying to come around to it. I know this is horrible for you. And maybe Dad can’t be hurt by what he doesn’t understand…Assuming he doesn’t understand it.

(Awkward pause.)

So…do you need help with anything?

LISA: No, I’m good.

EMMA: I have to finish this brief by tonight. I should get back soon and work on it. Is it okay if we leave now?

LISA: Of course.

EMMA: Jake, that okay for you?

JAKE: Yeah, I told Lexi I’d meet her in the City by 5.

LISA: I hope you can work things out with Lexi.

JAKE: Me, too.

(JAKE and EMMA get ready to leave. GREG opens his eyes and LISA sees that GREG is awake.)

LISA: Oh, Honey, the kids have to go. Sorry you were asleep for part of their visit.

(GREG smiles at the kids.)

EMMA: Bye, Dad. Love you.

GREG: Love you.

JAKE: See you, Dad.

GREG: Bye-bye, Jeff.

JAKE: What?!/

LISA: /Oh, my God./

EMMA: /Did he just call you “Jeff?”/

JAKE: /Yeah. What the fuck?

LISA: Maybe he was just repeating the name—

EMMA: So Dad did hear us talk about Jeff?

JAKE: It was probably just random.

EMMA: Or maybe he does know!

LISA: I really don’t think he’s made any connection—

JAKE: And it’s not like he’s ever met him.

EMMA: Do you think he’s upset?

JAKE: /He doesn’t seem upset./

LISA: /Could you both just stop? Please.

EMMA: I don’t know what the hell to think anymore..Dad, are you okay?

(GREG gives the “thumbs up” sign.)

JAKE: Should we still go?

LISA: Yes. We’ll be fine.

EMMA: I hope so…Bye, Mom.

(EMMA and JAKE exit.)

LISA: Greg, do you know something about Jeff? Other than that time he was here and…

(GREG doesn’t respond. LISA tries to touch him.)

GREG: Ow, don’t!

LISA: Sorry. I keep forgetting you don’t like touching anymore.

(Beat.)

I thought I saw that bluejay the other day.

GREG: No, it won’t come back.

(GREG tries to get up, and LISA helps him with the walker. He walks to the window with her. He stares out, fascinated.)

Squirrels.

LISA: Yeah, we’ve got a lot of those. That one’s burying nuts in the ground already. I thought they only did that in the fall. But I never really watch the squirrels that closely. They seem so ordinary.

GREG: I like them.

LISA: I wonder how they know exactly where their nuts are buried. In the dead of winter.

(Beat.)

GREG: Not sure about squirrels, but a man always knows where his nuts are.

LISA: Oh my God, Greg!

GREG: You’re so pretty…Do you have a boyfriend?

LISA: A boyfriend?

GREG: Maybe I could be your boyfriend.

LISA: Honey, I’m your wife. Lisa.

GREG: Lisa…Did I paint you with your clothes off?

LISA: No. But you wanted to. In Italy.

GREG: Can I do it now?

LISA: Oh. Wow. Art is supposed to be therapeutic, but I’m not sure we have any paints around. But we could just sit here, and pretend we’re back in Italy…I can take my clothes off. Would you like that?…Maybe you want to touch me?

(LISA starts to unbutton her shirt. GREG retreats again.)

GREG: I’m tired.

(LISA is disappointed, but resigned. She buttons up her shirt.)

LISA: That’s okay. I’m tired, too. How about a little rest on the bed? More comfy than the chair. Let’s go to the bedroom.

(LISA and GREG, with his walker, walk into the bedroom.)

It’ll be good for both of us to get some rest. Together. We don’t need to touch.

(LISA helps GREG off with his shoes and to lie down. She lies down next to him.)

Greg, I don’t know what you heard or think, but I want you to know that whatever happened between me and Jeff, or if anything does happen with another man, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I’ll never stop loving you. I’m holding onto every piece of you I can. Even the parts of you I didn’t like that much…I’m just so lonely now. Sometimes I think this isn’t really our life. That we’ll wake up and everything’ll be fine. That we’ll really make that trip back to San Gimignano on our 50th anniversary.

GREG: (Sings softly, part of the song “This Will Be (An Everlasting Love)”)

THIS WILL BE AN EVERLASTING LOVE
HUGGING AND SQUEEZING AND KISSING AND PLEASIN’.

LISA: I know you’re still in there somewhere.

(GREG very slowly wraps an arm around LISA. She wraps an arm around him.)

LISA AND GREG: (Singing) THIS WILL BE, YOU AND ME…

(GREG begins to doze. LISA’s phone buzzes and she reads a text. She scoots gently out of the bed. She walks to the front door and opens it. It’s JEFF. She lets him in.)

LISA: Why are you here?

JEFF: I missed you…Where’s Greg?

LISA: He’s resting.

JEFF: I brought muffins. The banana ones Greg likes. I thought maybe we could all…hang out or something.

LISA: Or something?

JEFF: Yeah. Or something.

(JEFF hands LISA the bag. She puts it down. They embrace.)

(Lights fade.)

End of Play

Pamela Weiler Grayson is a New York City-based playwright and musical theatre writer. Pam’s award-winning shows have been seen in theatres throughout the country. Her play, OBSERVANT, received a grant from the New York State Council on the Arts, and was a Jewish Plays Project Semi-Finalist, a 2024 Broadway World Best New Play nominee, and a 1st Runner Up in the 2025 Women in the Arts and Media Coalition Collaboration Award. Pam’s musical URBAN MOMFARE (composer/lyricist/co-book writer) won a Best Musical award at the 2014 New York International Fringe Festival, garnered four stars and a Critics’ Pick from Time Out. Pam is a member of Theatre Now’s International Musical Writers Lab and The Dramatists Guild, as well as a board member of Emerging Artists Theatre. She attended Brown University, Fordham Law School, and The BMI Musical Theatre Workshop. Learn more about Pam Weiler Grayson’s work on her website and follow her on Facebook and Instagram.

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